Oh Lord help me! Megan really wants to be grown up and I’ve seen how it’s affected Scott – not well at all! Tonight it hit me! She wants to wear a real bra. One that’s padded and actually makes her look as though she has a chest which she most assuredly does not! She is only 9 years old and if she stays on the course she’s been on, she won’t need a bra until she’s 18. Her development, physically and emotionally, is exactly as mine was. Should I burst her bubble and tell her she won’t need a bra until she’s 18 or possibly until she has children?
I’m trying very hard to think back to when I was in fourth grade. I do remember wanting a bra in the 5th grade and my mom being very adamant about me not needing one. My friend, Mickie, let me have one of hers and I was so scared that my mom would find out.
Yes, I’ve taken a different course with Megan as I’ve done with all parenting aspects. We’ve bought sports bras and I’m very open with her about when she truly needs one, a padded one, then we will head to the store and make a day of it. It’s a rite of passage and I don’t want her to miss out on it or feel I don’t care about it.
Nick is starting to enter into a new phase too. He’s always been modest but lately even more so. He has expressed an interest in dressing nicer and has become more aware of his physical appearance. I know he cannot wait for morning workouts to start again in January and he hasn’t totally pooh-poohed the idea of football in high school. He questions me more and more about why I became interested in Scott……let’s face it – Geeks rule! I always tell him that there will be a girl that will appreciate just his brain and then she’ll start looking at the rest of the package. Little man is funny too. He is beginning to learn that he doesn’t need to make dork noises to get attention he just needs to “be”.
Being with Nick and Megan always makes me dream of what things will be like with Hope. She, as well as us, will have a long period of adjustment. BUT, I always have a sense of peace when I think about the time when she will physically become a part of our family, emotionally, she is already in our hearts! I cannot wait to watch her grow and learn more, to experience life to the fullest and uncover all that God wants her to be! Can’t help but wonder what thoughts will fill her head? What things will she worry about?
To be honest though, I really want a “STOP” button to hit. I don’t want my children to grow up. I look at them and I’m always amazed that Scott and I were able, with God, to make two beautiful creatures. If I could, I’d freeze time and enjoy this time with both of them for as long as I could. But the timer goes off and I’m reminded that time is passing and quickly! I think my mantra in the mornings should be embrace it all, the good and the bad, but then I get caught up in the whirlwind of life…….maybe I should print this, read it every day so I can embrace and enjoy this time!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Convictions
We all have them. We all stand firmly by them. We all think ours are noble and just. Some of us would fight to the ends of the earth defending them. This week, I have found that I would fight to the ends of the earth about one of my convictions.
I believe with every fiber in my being that Jesus is the way to God. The only way to redemption is to accept Christ as my savior, the gift that God gave us to bring us back to Him.
Scott said today it was the Holy Spirit at work in me and the further I get away from the happenings earlier in the day, the more I'm coming to agree. God showed himself to me today in a way He hasn't since my initial trip to China. I had a physical ache in my heart over an issue that began yesterday and it grew and grew the more I thought and later prayed about it. I haven't been able to speak about this without sobbing so yes, God is definitely at work because I don't cry over many things.
I fought passionately for something today. I had tears streaming down my face and stated my case as it were. I didn't raise my voice, tell someone they were stupid or wrong, cuss anyone out, I simply said that the belief or conviction I held in my heart made it impossible for me to accept the situation. I won't even support the decision that was made.
I love the person that made the decision that broke my heart today. I fear however that I've damaged a relationship and I'm grieving over that. After any confrontation I've had, I've had the moments where I wish I could take back something I've said......I haven't had that moment and I don't think I will.
I'm not a dweller, I don't repeat over and over what was said, done, etc. Nothing can be changed. It's done, I've said my peace, others have said theirs. I've got to look forward. How do we keep this from happening again? This is what I've got to focus on now. A line has been crossed and the potential to fall deeper into the trap is there. What can I do to hold this person back? Is it even up to me to do that? I'm going to sit back and listen to what He wants me to do......I sure hope He speaks loudly to me!
I believe with every fiber in my being that Jesus is the way to God. The only way to redemption is to accept Christ as my savior, the gift that God gave us to bring us back to Him.
Scott said today it was the Holy Spirit at work in me and the further I get away from the happenings earlier in the day, the more I'm coming to agree. God showed himself to me today in a way He hasn't since my initial trip to China. I had a physical ache in my heart over an issue that began yesterday and it grew and grew the more I thought and later prayed about it. I haven't been able to speak about this without sobbing so yes, God is definitely at work because I don't cry over many things.
I fought passionately for something today. I had tears streaming down my face and stated my case as it were. I didn't raise my voice, tell someone they were stupid or wrong, cuss anyone out, I simply said that the belief or conviction I held in my heart made it impossible for me to accept the situation. I won't even support the decision that was made.
I love the person that made the decision that broke my heart today. I fear however that I've damaged a relationship and I'm grieving over that. After any confrontation I've had, I've had the moments where I wish I could take back something I've said......I haven't had that moment and I don't think I will.
I'm not a dweller, I don't repeat over and over what was said, done, etc. Nothing can be changed. It's done, I've said my peace, others have said theirs. I've got to look forward. How do we keep this from happening again? This is what I've got to focus on now. A line has been crossed and the potential to fall deeper into the trap is there. What can I do to hold this person back? Is it even up to me to do that? I'm going to sit back and listen to what He wants me to do......I sure hope He speaks loudly to me!
Friday, September 18, 2009
One Proud Momma Part II
The Pigweed has started soccer again! She took a one year hiatus and we signed her up for Fall. Megan loved soccer and I was a bit surprised that she didn’t want to play again in the Spring. It must’ve been interfering with her social life.
We decided to sign her up without her knowledge because with Megan if you ask her, she’ll say no. Her first priority is playing with her friends. So, I took the path of least resistance and after it was done told her she had no choice at all. She took it well but I was skeptical.
Last weekend was her first game. She was excited, we were excited and the day was beautiful. I should note before I go any further that I have promised Megan that this year I won’t cheer, yell, jump up and down, etc. So I made sure to tell Scott and Nick to let me know if I was getting out of hand.
Now back to the game! The coach put her in as goalie, a position Megan does not like to play. I think it’s because no one has really explained to her that she doesn’t have to stand right inside the goal, she can run around the box and she can pick up the ball. Anyhoo, the other team scored 3, yes 3 goals off Megan in the first half. In her defense it was because her teammates left her wide open. None of the girls were down there to help her. Yes, I know this is recreational soccer but come on, help your teammates out! I just want to point out that I wasn’t yelling, cheering, waving my arms. Nope, I was calmly sitting in my chair watching my Pigweed’s heart break over the fact that 3 points were gained on her watch.
And then finally! The second half started and the coach put Megan in as a forward. Now that’s her style, running from one end of the world to the other. And surprise of all surprises, Megan scored two goals back to back! The child ran like there was no tomorrow and she never gave up. The coach pulled her out to rest and she begged him to put her back in! That’s my girl!
What was Scott doing throughout the game? He was screaming, yelling and cheering. He was hollering out instructions on where she needed to be and what she needed to do. He was pacing back and forth like a caged lion. I think for the first time in our careers as sports parents, I had to tell him to quiet down! Okay, I didn’t tell him to quiet down but I did tell him to stop yelling at the Pigweed – it was making her nervous.
The game ended in a tie 4 to 4 and it was a fun day. The thing I’m most proud of is that Megan didn’t give up. She is very competitive and she got mad when the other team scored three goals on her but she got back in there and fought with everything she had to bring the score up for her team.
I love watching my girl play and grow!
We decided to sign her up without her knowledge because with Megan if you ask her, she’ll say no. Her first priority is playing with her friends. So, I took the path of least resistance and after it was done told her she had no choice at all. She took it well but I was skeptical.
Last weekend was her first game. She was excited, we were excited and the day was beautiful. I should note before I go any further that I have promised Megan that this year I won’t cheer, yell, jump up and down, etc. So I made sure to tell Scott and Nick to let me know if I was getting out of hand.
Now back to the game! The coach put her in as goalie, a position Megan does not like to play. I think it’s because no one has really explained to her that she doesn’t have to stand right inside the goal, she can run around the box and she can pick up the ball. Anyhoo, the other team scored 3, yes 3 goals off Megan in the first half. In her defense it was because her teammates left her wide open. None of the girls were down there to help her. Yes, I know this is recreational soccer but come on, help your teammates out! I just want to point out that I wasn’t yelling, cheering, waving my arms. Nope, I was calmly sitting in my chair watching my Pigweed’s heart break over the fact that 3 points were gained on her watch.
And then finally! The second half started and the coach put Megan in as a forward. Now that’s her style, running from one end of the world to the other. And surprise of all surprises, Megan scored two goals back to back! The child ran like there was no tomorrow and she never gave up. The coach pulled her out to rest and she begged him to put her back in! That’s my girl!
What was Scott doing throughout the game? He was screaming, yelling and cheering. He was hollering out instructions on where she needed to be and what she needed to do. He was pacing back and forth like a caged lion. I think for the first time in our careers as sports parents, I had to tell him to quiet down! Okay, I didn’t tell him to quiet down but I did tell him to stop yelling at the Pigweed – it was making her nervous.
The game ended in a tie 4 to 4 and it was a fun day. The thing I’m most proud of is that Megan didn’t give up. She is very competitive and she got mad when the other team scored three goals on her but she got back in there and fought with everything she had to bring the score up for her team.
I love watching my girl play and grow!
One Proud Momma Part I
Our little man has surprised me yet again! Three weeks ago Nick told me he wanted to join the football team. My mouth literally hit the floor I was so stunned. When the words came tumbling out of his mouth, I kept repeating in my head over and over “don’t seem too excited, act like it’s not a big deal”. I was excited and it was a HUGE deal because Nick hated football when he played a few years ago. But I played it cool, told him I thought it was a great idea and promptly sent the coach an email stating I didn’t care if Nick ever hit the field for a game but that I would be eternally grateful if he would let him practice in full gear with the team. To be honest, I think the coach was as shocked as we were. I know that it was his (the coach) goal all along for Nick to join the team but I think he had given up hope after the season officially started.
Since that night three weeks ago, Nick has been faithfully attending practice, standing proudly on the sidelines at games with his teammates and basically strutting around our house like a peacock. He even got to play in the “5th quarter” at their game the other night. The first play he was standing in the wrong place, BUT he sacked a kid. The next two plays he sacked two guys and went running after the QB. My heart swelled with pride!
We are not sure why he had a change of heart but I can assure you of this, we are so proud of his decision. And it was his decision. We never pushed the subject, we didn’t drop subtle hints, just told him that we supported him no matter what he chose to do. I think he needed time to figure out the game, see that it was more than just a bunch of sweaty kids knocking each other down. And I think as “assistant coach” he felt a bit isolated from the camaraderie and wanted to be part of a team. Filling water bottles is an important job but it doesn’t get you in there with the boys. I guess it’s kind of like being in the same company/platoon, you just build relationships with people that are doing the same thing.
So, over the past three weeks I’ve been able to observe him in his new role. After the games he is adamant about joining the team at whatever restaurant everyone is going to. He walks a little bit taller, he is coming out of his “geek” shell and is becoming more confident in who he is! What a great thing this has been to witness. Our little man is busting out of his shell and leaving his comfort zone. It’s amazing to watch him challenge himself when in the past he’s been content to just stay in his world of video games and books.
I love our little man! He is an awesome kid and I’m so proud that he made this decision all on his own!!
Since that night three weeks ago, Nick has been faithfully attending practice, standing proudly on the sidelines at games with his teammates and basically strutting around our house like a peacock. He even got to play in the “5th quarter” at their game the other night. The first play he was standing in the wrong place, BUT he sacked a kid. The next two plays he sacked two guys and went running after the QB. My heart swelled with pride!
We are not sure why he had a change of heart but I can assure you of this, we are so proud of his decision. And it was his decision. We never pushed the subject, we didn’t drop subtle hints, just told him that we supported him no matter what he chose to do. I think he needed time to figure out the game, see that it was more than just a bunch of sweaty kids knocking each other down. And I think as “assistant coach” he felt a bit isolated from the camaraderie and wanted to be part of a team. Filling water bottles is an important job but it doesn’t get you in there with the boys. I guess it’s kind of like being in the same company/platoon, you just build relationships with people that are doing the same thing.
So, over the past three weeks I’ve been able to observe him in his new role. After the games he is adamant about joining the team at whatever restaurant everyone is going to. He walks a little bit taller, he is coming out of his “geek” shell and is becoming more confident in who he is! What a great thing this has been to witness. Our little man is busting out of his shell and leaving his comfort zone. It’s amazing to watch him challenge himself when in the past he’s been content to just stay in his world of video games and books.
I love our little man! He is an awesome kid and I’m so proud that he made this decision all on his own!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Ummmmmm
Has it really been since May that I've last posted? I have great intentions but life has others! I received an email the other day from a friend "notifying" me that I had not written a snippet of anything I had mentioned I would talk about. TRUE and all I can say is "ummmmmmm - been a little busy"!
It's almost September and so much is going on and so much hasn't changed! We are still moving forward with the adoption. It is an up and down road but I still feel very convicted that this is the way we should go. God in His infinite wisdom "screamed" at me over the past few weeks. I was feeling down about the progress or lack of we have made with the adoption when I received three emails from people who had just returned from visiting China. All three had said they had seen her and how well she was doing and what an amazing child she is. I admit, the fight in me returned! I'm going to be a pain to those that are dragging their feet because this little girl belongs in our family. The "temper tantrums" I threw last month are nothing compared to what I feel boiling in me right now so some people better get their stuff together because I'm just tired of the BS. There, I said it! I should just tattoo on my forehead "poop or get off the pot" because really, there is a child here who needs a home and we have it!
Nick and Megan are leading busy lives! Megan's social calendar is full and it's about to become fuller with soccer and a program called Girls on the Run. Nick has blossomed! He is now the "assistant coach" for the Piney Grove football team. Yes, he's the water boy but he loves it and I'm so thankful for the coach that pursued him to do this. Scott and I have both noticed the changes in him and they are incredible! We still secretly pray that Nick has a change of heart about playing football but as his friend Jonathan told us "That ship has sailed".
Scott is still attending DTS. Sometimes it's all consuming but he loves it so I try not to say anything. Not sure if he's going to continue on for the full Masters or stop at the Certificate of Biblical Studies. I have a feeling that he'd like to add another Masters to his repetoire, if that's the case, then it's one more year of classes.
Me, I'm just trudging along. School for me starts in a little over a week and I'm excited. It's always fun to have new students and I'm endlessly entertained by the children. Got a few new things I'm doing in the class this year so I hope it's fun for them as well!
That's all I've got time for now. I'll post later about the fun things we did this summer as a family, kept the kids hopping I did! I'll also post more about our beautiful Hope and the things I heard about her! What an awesome child she is!!! Keep the prayers up for her and for us please!
It's almost September and so much is going on and so much hasn't changed! We are still moving forward with the adoption. It is an up and down road but I still feel very convicted that this is the way we should go. God in His infinite wisdom "screamed" at me over the past few weeks. I was feeling down about the progress or lack of we have made with the adoption when I received three emails from people who had just returned from visiting China. All three had said they had seen her and how well she was doing and what an amazing child she is. I admit, the fight in me returned! I'm going to be a pain to those that are dragging their feet because this little girl belongs in our family. The "temper tantrums" I threw last month are nothing compared to what I feel boiling in me right now so some people better get their stuff together because I'm just tired of the BS. There, I said it! I should just tattoo on my forehead "poop or get off the pot" because really, there is a child here who needs a home and we have it!
Nick and Megan are leading busy lives! Megan's social calendar is full and it's about to become fuller with soccer and a program called Girls on the Run. Nick has blossomed! He is now the "assistant coach" for the Piney Grove football team. Yes, he's the water boy but he loves it and I'm so thankful for the coach that pursued him to do this. Scott and I have both noticed the changes in him and they are incredible! We still secretly pray that Nick has a change of heart about playing football but as his friend Jonathan told us "That ship has sailed".
Scott is still attending DTS. Sometimes it's all consuming but he loves it so I try not to say anything. Not sure if he's going to continue on for the full Masters or stop at the Certificate of Biblical Studies. I have a feeling that he'd like to add another Masters to his repetoire, if that's the case, then it's one more year of classes.
Me, I'm just trudging along. School for me starts in a little over a week and I'm excited. It's always fun to have new students and I'm endlessly entertained by the children. Got a few new things I'm doing in the class this year so I hope it's fun for them as well!
That's all I've got time for now. I'll post later about the fun things we did this summer as a family, kept the kids hopping I did! I'll also post more about our beautiful Hope and the things I heard about her! What an awesome child she is!!! Keep the prayers up for her and for us please!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
WOW!
I can't believe that I haven't written since December! Our lives are as busy as ever but it seems as though time has not been on my side. Sorry Mick Jagger, it just hasn't been! I love to write but I honestly haven't had a chance to sit down and pound out what is on my mind.
BUT......next week should change that! I will be done with teaching midweek and Scott will be out of the country again visiting the other side of the world. My hope is that while he is gone, I can actually sit down and put my many thoughts onto here. There is a lot to update, mainly the adoption, and I've been bouncing so many things around in my little brain too. I'm growing up and growing old ;)!
Before I close this, I just want to shout the things that are impacting me right now: my marriage (which I wouldn't trade for anything in the world); my friends (again, not trading); my faith, (which has been growing in the most unexpected way); the advancement in age of our children (Nick is 13, Hope turned 11 last month and Megan is turning 9 this week); just so many different things going on. When I step back and look at them, they all tie together!
With that, I'll close!
BUT......next week should change that! I will be done with teaching midweek and Scott will be out of the country again visiting the other side of the world. My hope is that while he is gone, I can actually sit down and put my many thoughts onto here. There is a lot to update, mainly the adoption, and I've been bouncing so many things around in my little brain too. I'm growing up and growing old ;)!
Before I close this, I just want to shout the things that are impacting me right now: my marriage (which I wouldn't trade for anything in the world); my friends (again, not trading); my faith, (which has been growing in the most unexpected way); the advancement in age of our children (Nick is 13, Hope turned 11 last month and Megan is turning 9 this week); just so many different things going on. When I step back and look at them, they all tie together!
With that, I'll close!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
What's Happening!
It’s been forever and a day since I’ve posted anything! Between Thanksgiving, Christmas and Facebook, I haven’t had much time to sit and write out what’s on my mind! There’s been a lot though so I’ll just stick with a few right now. Maybe after I ring in the New Year tomorrow night – can’t believe it’s going to be 2009, I may sit down and get back to belting out what is going on!
The good news is that our drama with Nick at school has been resolved. We are truly blessed that Nick has a good friend willing to step up and help him out! This friend encouraged Nick to attend morning workouts with the football team which has given him a boost with his confidence and a chance to hang out with guys just being guys, no video game talk or science problems allowed! He played football with a lot of these guys last year so it’s also giving him a chance to reconnect with them.
In other news, the adoption process is moving. It’s slow, but really, anything that doesn’t move at my pace is slow. We met our social worker today and she gave us direction, which was much needed. Scott and I both enjoyed meeting her and it’s going to be nice to work with someone who is supportive of us but also gives us the reality of what we are about to embark on. Paperwork……there’s still a ton of it but at least we know which way we are going. Every night at dinner we pray for Hope and ask that God just let her feel loved and to have no headaches! We cannot wait for the day that we get to bring her home!
The Pigweed got a new bike for Christmas, Scott and I thought she was going to be too small for it but she hopped on it like a pro and took off. Right now though she is pouting because she has no rollerblades and she’s “just dying” to have some. I’m sure if she’d just open her wallet a bit and offer to fork up a few dollars, we’ll pitch in and help her buy some. The child does not like to let go of her money!
Night and day our children! I’m sure Hope will be the “afternoon” when she gets here. I’m still amazed at how different our children are even though they came from the same gene pool. It’s like God took salt and pepper shakers when he was mixing them up and added a little extra of this here and a little extra of that there!
The good news is that our drama with Nick at school has been resolved. We are truly blessed that Nick has a good friend willing to step up and help him out! This friend encouraged Nick to attend morning workouts with the football team which has given him a boost with his confidence and a chance to hang out with guys just being guys, no video game talk or science problems allowed! He played football with a lot of these guys last year so it’s also giving him a chance to reconnect with them.
In other news, the adoption process is moving. It’s slow, but really, anything that doesn’t move at my pace is slow. We met our social worker today and she gave us direction, which was much needed. Scott and I both enjoyed meeting her and it’s going to be nice to work with someone who is supportive of us but also gives us the reality of what we are about to embark on. Paperwork……there’s still a ton of it but at least we know which way we are going. Every night at dinner we pray for Hope and ask that God just let her feel loved and to have no headaches! We cannot wait for the day that we get to bring her home!
The Pigweed got a new bike for Christmas, Scott and I thought she was going to be too small for it but she hopped on it like a pro and took off. Right now though she is pouting because she has no rollerblades and she’s “just dying” to have some. I’m sure if she’d just open her wallet a bit and offer to fork up a few dollars, we’ll pitch in and help her buy some. The child does not like to let go of her money!
Night and day our children! I’m sure Hope will be the “afternoon” when she gets here. I’m still amazed at how different our children are even though they came from the same gene pool. It’s like God took salt and pepper shakers when he was mixing them up and added a little extra of this here and a little extra of that there!
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