Brown Eyed Girl

WHAT? What do you mean it's the middle of summer 2011?

2011-06-20T17:03:00.000-04:00

Seriously, I cannot believe how fast time passes. I always have the best intentions when it comes to writing but life gets in the way!

Some facts:

Nick turned 15 in January and just got his learners permit last week.
Megan turned 11 in May and is a kick butt goalie in soccer.
Hope came home with us December 3, 2010 and it's been a crazy but fun ride!
Hope is in school, learning English at an alarming pace, learning braille, making friends and thriving.
Hope's tumor is still there and is being monitored for growth/changes. We go to a brain tumor clinic every three months to meet with her amazing staff of physicians and support care.
Hope's blindness is irreversible but I haven't given up hope. She has defied all of the odds so regaining some or all of her vision is out of my list of possibilities.

I am in the process of taking my journals and putting them on here and on the blog about Hope so you all can see what exactly has been going on.........TO BE CONTINUED

OH MY!!

2010-10-13T10:20:00.000-04:00

Reading through my posts I've noticed a theme.......it's been "forever and a day" since I've posted updates! It's not that nothing has been happening, it's just that I've been overwhelmed by what's been going on. My goal this week is to update this blog and the blog I started about Hope's story - littlechinagirl-hope.blogspot.com. We've had so many people ask about her story and I think I can get most of it down.

I do apologize for not blogging about my visit to China. I'll give you a few quick facts - I did see Hope, I did get to hold her, we did get to tell her that I was her "American" mommy, she did get to meet and spend a lot of time with her big brother Nick and hands down leaving China was the hardest thing I've ever done!!!

I can also tell you that the teachers and the children in the orphanage have grown so much not only in their relationships with each other but in their relationship with Christ. It has been a beautiful thing to witness!

So with those snippets, I've got to get back to laundry. If I don't stay on top of it, I've found it gets out of control. AND we are having a larger patio poured today so Hope will have more room to roam and bask in the sun in the backyard. Maybe tonight after Mommy Tennis Night I can sit down and write!!!

Growing Up

2009-11-16T21:32:00.000-05:00

Oh Lord help me! Megan really wants to be grown up and I’ve seen how it’s affected Scott – not well at all! Tonight it hit me! She wants to wear a real bra. One that’s padded and actually makes her look as though she has a chest which she most assuredly does not! She is only 9 years old and if she stays on the course she’s been on, she won’t need a bra until she’s 18. Her development, physically and emotionally, is exactly as mine was. Should I burst her bubble and tell her she won’t need a bra until she’s 18 or possibly until she has children?

I’m trying very hard to think back to when I was in fourth grade. I do remember wanting a bra in the 5th grade and my mom being very adamant about me not needing one. My friend, Mickie, let me have one of hers and I was so scared that my mom would find out.

Yes, I’ve taken a different course with Megan as I’ve done with all parenting aspects. We’ve bought sports bras and I’m very open with her about when she truly needs one, a padded one, then we will head to the store and make a day of it. It’s a rite of passage and I don’t want her to miss out on it or feel I don’t care about it.

Nick is starting to enter into a new phase too. He’s always been modest but lately even more so. He has expressed an interest in dressing nicer and has become more aware of his physical appearance. I know he cannot wait for morning workouts to start again in January and he hasn’t totally pooh-poohed the idea of football in high school. He questions me more and more about why I became interested in Scott……let’s face it – Geeks rule! I always tell him that there will be a girl that will appreciate just his brain and then she’ll start looking at the rest of the package. Little man is funny too. He is beginning to learn that he doesn’t need to make dork noises to get attention he just needs to “be”.

Being with Nick and Megan always makes me dream of what things will be like with Hope. She, as well as us, will have a long period of adjustment. BUT, I always have a sense of peace when I think about the time when she will physically become a part of our family, emotionally, she is already in our hearts! I cannot wait to watch her grow and learn more, to experience life to the fullest and uncover all that God wants her to be! Can’t help but wonder what thoughts will fill her head? What things will she worry about?

To be honest though, I really want a “STOP” button to hit. I don’t want my children to grow up. I look at them and I’m always amazed that Scott and I were able, with God, to make two beautiful creatures. If I could, I’d freeze time and enjoy this time with both of them for as long as I could. But the timer goes off and I’m reminded that time is passing and quickly! I think my mantra in the mornings should be embrace it all, the good and the bad, but then I get caught up in the whirlwind of life…….maybe I should print this, read it every day so I can embrace and enjoy this time!

Convictions

2009-10-16T18:44:00.004-04:00

We all have them. We all stand firmly by them. We all think ours are noble and just. Some of us would fight to the ends of the earth defending them. This week, I have found that I would fight to the ends of the earth about one of my convictions.

I believe with every fiber in my being that Jesus is the way to God. The only way to redemption is to accept Christ as my savior, the gift that God gave us to bring us back to Him.

Scott said today it was the Holy Spirit at work in me and the further I get away from the happenings earlier in the day, the more I'm coming to agree. God showed himself to me today in a way He hasn't since my initial trip to China. I had a physical ache in my heart over an issue that began yesterday and it grew and grew the more I thought and later prayed about it. I haven't been able to speak about this without sobbing so yes, God is definitely at work because I don't cry over many things.

I fought passionately for something today. I had tears streaming down my face and stated my case as it were. I didn't raise my voice, tell someone they were stupid or wrong, cuss anyone out, I simply said that the belief or conviction I held in my heart made it impossible for me to accept the situation. I won't even support the decision that was made.

I love the person that made the decision that broke my heart today. I fear however that I've damaged a relationship and I'm grieving over that. After any confrontation I've had, I've had the moments where I wish I could take back something I've said......I haven't had that moment and I don't think I will.

I'm not a dweller, I don't repeat over and over what was said, done, etc. Nothing can be changed. It's done, I've said my peace, others have said theirs. I've got to look forward. How do we keep this from happening again? This is what I've got to focus on now. A line has been crossed and the potential to fall deeper into the trap is there. What can I do to hold this person back? Is it even up to me to do that? I'm going to sit back and listen to what He wants me to do......I sure hope He speaks loudly to me!

One Proud Momma Part II

2009-09-18T01:07:00.002-04:00

The Pigweed has started soccer again! She took a one year hiatus and we signed her up for Fall. Megan loved soccer and I was a bit surprised that she didn’t want to play again in the Spring. It must’ve been interfering with her social life.

We decided to sign her up without her knowledge because with Megan if you ask her, she’ll say no. Her first priority is playing with her friends. So, I took the path of least resistance and after it was done told her she had no choice at all. She took it well but I was skeptical.

Last weekend was her first game. She was excited, we were excited and the day was beautiful. I should note before I go any further that I have promised Megan that this year I won’t cheer, yell, jump up and down, etc. So I made sure to tell Scott and Nick to let me know if I was getting out of hand.

Now back to the game! The coach put her in as goalie, a position Megan does not like to play. I think it’s because no one has really explained to her that she doesn’t have to stand right inside the goal, she can run around the box and she can pick up the ball. Anyhoo, the other team scored 3, yes 3 goals off Megan in the first half. In her defense it was because her teammates left her wide open. None of the girls were down there to help her. Yes, I know this is recreational soccer but come on, help your teammates out! I just want to point out that I wasn’t yelling, cheering, waving my arms. Nope, I was calmly sitting in my chair watching my Pigweed’s heart break over the fact that 3 points were gained on her watch.

And then finally! The second half started and the coach put Megan in as a forward. Now that’s her style, running from one end of the world to the other. And surprise of all surprises, Megan scored two goals back to back! The child ran like there was no tomorrow and she never gave up. The coach pulled her out to rest and she begged him to put her back in! That’s my girl!

What was Scott doing throughout the game? He was screaming, yelling and cheering. He was hollering out instructions on where she needed to be and what she needed to do. He was pacing back and forth like a caged lion. I think for the first time in our careers as sports parents, I had to tell him to quiet down! Okay, I didn’t tell him to quiet down but I did tell him to stop yelling at the Pigweed – it was making her nervous.

The game ended in a tie 4 to 4 and it was a fun day. The thing I’m most proud of is that Megan didn’t give up. She is very competitive and she got mad when the other team scored three goals on her but she got back in there and fought with everything she had to bring the score up for her team.

I love watching my girl play and grow!

One Proud Momma Part I

2009-09-18T00:52:00.001-04:00

Our little man has surprised me yet again! Three weeks ago Nick told me he wanted to join the football team. My mouth literally hit the floor I was so stunned. When the words came tumbling out of his mouth, I kept repeating in my head over and over “don’t seem too excited, act like it’s not a big deal”. I was excited and it was a HUGE deal because Nick hated football when he played a few years ago. But I played it cool, told him I thought it was a great idea and promptly sent the coach an email stating I didn’t care if Nick ever hit the field for a game but that I would be eternally grateful if he would let him practice in full gear with the team. To be honest, I think the coach was as shocked as we were. I know that it was his (the coach) goal all along for Nick to join the team but I think he had given up hope after the season officially started.

Since that night three weeks ago, Nick has been faithfully attending practice, standing proudly on the sidelines at games with his teammates and basically strutting around our house like a peacock. He even got to play in the “5th quarter” at their game the other night. The first play he was standing in the wrong place, BUT he sacked a kid. The next two plays he sacked two guys and went running after the QB. My heart swelled with pride!

We are not sure why he had a change of heart but I can assure you of this, we are so proud of his decision. And it was his decision. We never pushed the subject, we didn’t drop subtle hints, just told him that we supported him no matter what he chose to do. I think he needed time to figure out the game, see that it was more than just a bunch of sweaty kids knocking each other down. And I think as “assistant coach” he felt a bit isolated from the camaraderie and wanted to be part of a team. Filling water bottles is an important job but it doesn’t get you in there with the boys. I guess it’s kind of like being in the same company/platoon, you just build relationships with people that are doing the same thing.

So, over the past three weeks I’ve been able to observe him in his new role. After the games he is adamant about joining the team at whatever restaurant everyone is going to. He walks a little bit taller, he is coming out of his “geek” shell and is becoming more confident in who he is! What a great thing this has been to witness. Our little man is busting out of his shell and leaving his comfort zone. It’s amazing to watch him challenge himself when in the past he’s been content to just stay in his world of video games and books.

I love our little man! He is an awesome kid and I’m so proud that he made this decision all on his own!!

Ummmmmm

2009-08-20T16:39:00.004-04:00

Has it really been since May that I've last posted? I have great intentions but life has others! I received an email the other day from a friend "notifying" me that I had not written a snippet of anything I had mentioned I would talk about. TRUE and all I can say is "ummmmmmm - been a little busy"!

It's almost September and so much is going on and so much hasn't changed! We are still moving forward with the adoption. It is an up and down road but I still feel very convicted that this is the way we should go. God in His infinite wisdom "screamed" at me over the past few weeks. I was feeling down about the progress or lack of we have made with the adoption when I received three emails from people who had just returned from visiting China. All three had said they had seen her and how well she was doing and what an amazing child she is. I admit, the fight in me returned! I'm going to be a pain to those that are dragging their feet because this little girl belongs in our family. The "temper tantrums" I threw last month are nothing compared to what I feel boiling in me right now so some people better get their stuff together because I'm just tired of the BS. There, I said it! I should just tattoo on my forehead "poop or get off the pot" because really, there is a child here who needs a home and we have it!

Nick and Megan are leading busy lives! Megan's social calendar is full and it's about to become fuller with soccer and a program called Girls on the Run. Nick has blossomed! He is now the "assistant coach" for the Piney Grove football team. Yes, he's the water boy but he loves it and I'm so thankful for the coach that pursued him to do this. Scott and I have both noticed the changes in him and they are incredible! We still secretly pray that Nick has a change of heart about playing football but as his friend Jonathan told us "That ship has sailed".

Scott is still attending DTS. Sometimes it's all consuming but he loves it so I try not to say anything. Not sure if he's going to continue on for the full Masters or stop at the Certificate of Biblical Studies. I have a feeling that he'd like to add another Masters to his repetoire, if that's the case, then it's one more year of classes.

Me, I'm just trudging along. School for me starts in a little over a week and I'm excited. It's always fun to have new students and I'm endlessly entertained by the children. Got a few new things I'm doing in the class this year so I hope it's fun for them as well!

That's all I've got time for now. I'll post later about the fun things we did this summer as a family, kept the kids hopping I did! I'll also post more about our beautiful Hope and the things I heard about her! What an awesome child she is!!! Keep the prayers up for her and for us please!

WOW!

2009-05-13T20:04:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that I haven't written since December! Our lives are as busy as ever but it seems as though time has not been on my side. Sorry Mick Jagger, it just hasn't been! I love to write but I honestly haven't had a chance to sit down and pound out what is on my mind.

BUT......next week should change that! I will be done with teaching midweek and Scott will be out of the country again visiting the other side of the world. My hope is that while he is gone, I can actually sit down and put my many thoughts onto here. There is a lot to update, mainly the adoption, and I've been bouncing so many things around in my little brain too. I'm growing up and growing old ;)!

Before I close this, I just want to shout the things that are impacting me right now: my marriage (which I wouldn't trade for anything in the world); my friends (again, not trading); my faith, (which has been growing in the most unexpected way); the advancement in age of our children (Nick is 13, Hope turned 11 last month and Megan is turning 9 this week); just so many different things going on. When I step back and look at them, they all tie together!

With that, I'll close!

What's Happening!

2008-12-30T20:24:00.000-05:00

It’s been forever and a day since I’ve posted anything! Between Thanksgiving, Christmas and Facebook, I haven’t had much time to sit and write out what’s on my mind! There’s been a lot though so I’ll just stick with a few right now. Maybe after I ring in the New Year tomorrow night – can’t believe it’s going to be 2009, I may sit down and get back to belting out what is going on!

The good news is that our drama with Nick at school has been resolved. We are truly blessed that Nick has a good friend willing to step up and help him out! This friend encouraged Nick to attend morning workouts with the football team which has given him a boost with his confidence and a chance to hang out with guys just being guys, no video game talk or science problems allowed! He played football with a lot of these guys last year so it’s also giving him a chance to reconnect with them.

In other news, the adoption process is moving. It’s slow, but really, anything that doesn’t move at my pace is slow. We met our social worker today and she gave us direction, which was much needed. Scott and I both enjoyed meeting her and it’s going to be nice to work with someone who is supportive of us but also gives us the reality of what we are about to embark on. Paperwork……there’s still a ton of it but at least we know which way we are going. Every night at dinner we pray for Hope and ask that God just let her feel loved and to have no headaches! We cannot wait for the day that we get to bring her home!

The Pigweed got a new bike for Christmas, Scott and I thought she was going to be too small for it but she hopped on it like a pro and took off. Right now though she is pouting because she has no rollerblades and she’s “just dying” to have some. I’m sure if she’d just open her wallet a bit and offer to fork up a few dollars, we’ll pitch in and help her buy some. The child does not like to let go of her money!

Night and day our children! I’m sure Hope will be the “afternoon” when she gets here. I’m still amazed at how different our children are even though they came from the same gene pool. It’s like God took salt and pepper shakers when he was mixing them up and added a little extra of this here and a little extra of that there!

Middle School

2008-11-14T00:03:00.003-05:00

Tonight Scott and I had the longest and most indepth “heart to heart” we’ve ever had with one of our children. Our “baby” Nick is in middle school, quite possibly the hardest phase of a child’s life. Let me preface this whole diatribe with a few facts about Nick. Nick is the complete opposite of me and embodies everything good in Scott. Nick is a people pleaser, sensitive, a rule follower, a boy that wants to be as Christlike as possible – even before we opened our hearts to Christ, smart – beyond smart actually a genius, loving, did I mention sensitive?

Over the past few weeks we’ve encountered a few eye opening moments with Nick. Things we’ve known have been going on but hopeful that he’d resolve on his own. Nick has been bullied on the bus and at school. The bus was easily solved with a quick phone call, a personal encounter with a friend (thankfully) and their child and an email to the bus driver. School – a whole other story. Tonight for some reason Scott and I decided to broach the school subject with Nick.

My baby, Nick, is on a different playing field than most children his age. He is wise beyond his years and has a heart of gold. Understandably not many kids his age get him due to his academic abilities and his sense of humor. He is a geek, we proudly admit it. The world needs geeks, proof of that is Bill Gates, my husband, the list goes on an on!!!

Instead of causing a wake, Nick would rather the waters be calm, thus he’s made himself a doormat for a few boys and numerous girls in his school. This fact is unacceptable to me. We are not a family of doormats and I’m not about to let it happen. God may have not gifted me with the brains of a genius but he did give me the gift of verbal barbs and I’m not above using them! Surprisingly, when we had our “good cop/bad cop” talk, Scott didn’t disagree on my points. I’m the verbal warfare girl but when push comes to shove, well then physical warfare is not out of the question. Scott approached most of our conversation with what I would call a biblical standpoint but mine was balls to the wall. Just “push the little goober on the ground and pin him down” was my response. I would have been a great drill sargent!

Nick is 5’6, 140 lbs of 12 year old boy. He is very strong but we’ve described him as a gentle giant or great dane puppy. He has no idea how big or strong he is. After tonight, I can only hope and pray that he has some idea of what he is capable of. If he can’t fight this verbally, then by golly he is going to get physical and get these little poopstains off his back. It takes one time to make a stand and I honestly think that right now is his time.

I can hear the yells of “being physical is not the way.” Okay, what is the way? What can you share with us that we haven’t shared already with Nick to no avail? Should we continue to fight his battles for him? Should we continue to bring the administration into this? How many more times can we call the staff at the middle school and say “We have another situation” without Nick being labeled a nark and faced with more ridicule? As parents isn’t part of our responsibility giving him the tools to fend this crap off? Turn the other cheek you say? Be the bigger person, take the higher road. Okay, look my teary eyed child in the eyes and say that. Bet you can’t do it! How far are you willing to be pushed before you begin pushing back?

I’m not one to condone violence but sometimes……well, like I told Nick tonight – just because you don’t like to get mad, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

My Personal Soap Box

2008-11-05T20:02:00.000-05:00

With the election hullabaloo, I’ve had a million thoughts run through my mind. While I’ve felt that neither candidate was the perfect choice, I knew I had to pick the one whose values ran closer to mine. Forefront in my mind is our nation’s security. I remember all to well the anger I felt at Clinton over his failure to keep our nation’s security a priority, especially when 9/11 hit. I felt then and still do that W received some pretty harsh and unwarranted scrutiny after having been in office for only 8 months when the attacks happened. How would Bush have been able to reassemble our nation’s security in just under 8 months when Clinton had taken 8 years to knock it down? Our nation’s security had pretty much been decimated by the Clinton administration and it was only a matter of time before some radical group struck. My other concern is our economy, obviously we are in a slump but Americans are tough, we will persevere and bounce back.

My husband has pointed out to me on several occasions throughout this election that every great nation has fallen. Our country is VERY young when compared to others so it stands to reason that we too should endure some hardships. Sadly we take so many things for granted, our Constitution that allows us many freedoms when so many other nations are held under their government’s thumb. A great point!

I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t more upset last night when I learned that Obama had been elected President. It’s time for change our nation is screaming! I hear the screams and agree but wonder at what cost? This man concerns me on so many levels. He has failed to disclose so much information but has promised tremendous change. He has very little experience, he’s never served in the military, his personal affiliations have been questioned, there are questions about where he was born, did he complete college, etc. I can hear the answers out there – who cares that he’s never served in the military, does a college degree really matter and at the end of the day does it matter if he was born in the US? Well, if you look at the job description for a President, yes, yes and yes! This man is now Commander in Chief of our armies – our troops should look at this man with respect but how can you respect someone that hasn’t a clue of the depth of your job? Our troops are to serve and protect our wonderful country, one of the most important jobs ever. Has Obama ever taken that oath? The college education, okay, I’ll concede that point. Are there any courses out there designed to show someone how to lead our country? The citizenship issue, I’m not sure why but this is really bothering me. I try to put aside the fact that this man is a Muslim, he admitted it on Good Morning America (Google it if you are in doubt and you can see the actual clip). And the place of birth – when push comes to shove, are you more protective of where you were born than where you live? How quick are Americans to run back to their country when were they are living is in turmoil? And the fact remains that he will not share his passport or birth certificate with the general public. What is he hiding and why?

Last night I fell asleep praying for our country and the direction it is heading in. We’ve spent so much time telling God to stay out of everything – our schools, our judicial system, our politics, etc. We’ve reasoned away the Commandments (not just the top 10 but all of them). I so want my children to grow up in a safe, loving world but I know it’s not going to happen. God is only going to take so much of us saying “No thanks, we know what’s best for us” before He throws up His hands and says “Okay, take it.” I just hope that this latest decision by the majority of our country isn’t that time! No matter what your political or religious affiliation, I hope that you take a step back and look at the larger picture. Are the issues brought up in this latest campaign really issues? Have we overlooked something that is even more important? Is there something or someone that we should be serving other than ourselves? Just my thoughts!

It's A God Thing

2008-11-03T21:13:00.001-05:00

The title really should speak for itself because truly everything that happens is a God thing. He knows every story that is about to unfold and how it will turn out. For our family, our journey in adoption, nothing is turning out truer than the statement above – it is a God thing.

I never imagined I would travel halfway around the world to do something that I’ve always know in the back of my mind I love to do – serve. I went to China last year not sure exactly why I was going. That mystery was solved my first hours I set foot on Chinese soil, it was to turn my life over to God. Every moment I spent there was a revelation not only about myself but about Him. I had always known there was something more in my life but I never knew who and why.

This year I went back to China. I knew when I left last year that I wasn’t finished working with the children and teachers, that there was something else I needed to do. When I found out I had been chosen to go back and for two weeks this time, I just knew that “yes, this is what I’m meant to do.” As I got closer to my departure date, I kept hearing a voice in my head saying “That’ll do, that’ll do” ~ much like the farmer in the movie “Babe”. I stepped on the plane knowing that was my last trip to China. I had even told Scott that it would take something “major” for me to go back. My resources had been tapped, there were others much more qualified to do what needed to be done. I wasn’t being negative about this because I knew that in order for the program to grow and flourish, the program needed someone whose resources ran deeper than mine.

Never did I dream that I would fall in love with a sweet little girl who frowned all the time but had a mind sharp as a tack. I’m sure I’m repeating myself when I say I remember meeting our “Hope” last year during my initial trip. I thought she was a boy because she had short hair and frowned all the time. She wasn’t in a classroom but would always wait downstairs in the morning for our group to arrive and was very curious about what we were doing and what we had in our bags.

Now, we are trying to adopt this sweet child. The first moments I spent with her this summer I just knew that she was meant to be part of our family. As I love to say “it is what it is”. My first hurdle was getting Scott to accept the decision I had come to – Hope had to be a part of our family. I won’t go into detail about Scott’s story, because it’s his to tell, but he has been on board from the beginning. God had spoken to him too. The next hurdle was our children and amazingly, they were on board too! Hurdle number three was convincing people involved in the program that we were serious about expanding our family with this particular child. Scott even said one day “They have no idea who they are dealing with (meaning me). They should just back up and point us in the direction we need to go.” We were expecting Scott’s parents to totally frown upon our decision BUT imagine our surprise when they welcomed the news with enthusiasm! There have been other hurdles, like this latest……the social worker that we had initially chosen no longer does home studies so we had to find another social worker to go with. Sounds minor but when you are involved with an international adoption, nothing is minor.

My point to all of this is - every time we’ve come upon what we perceive as being a hurdle, the path is clear to acceptance and ease. God is at work, of that I have no doubt. My latest example was last weekend. We had just found out that we needed to find a new social worker. Frustrating after I had spent hours downloading and printing every form known to man to fill out, I was filled with doubt. But on the drive to my friend’s sons confirmation last Sunday morning, Scott called to tell me they had shown a picture of Hope on “the screen” at church. Pictures of the beautiful children we have worked with aren’t supposed to be published, so my immediate concern “was her face clear?” It wasn’t because our church is very sensitive to the work being done. Add to this the newsletter we received days before with a picture of Hope praying and her story and the story of the family trying to adopt her – us! It is occasions like this that absolutely convinces me that God wants us to pursue this adoption. This last week we’ve been delivered news that would make most people back down from the path we have turned down, but I know in my heart this is exactly the path we are supposed to continue on. I was meant to travel to China two years in a row, my husband was meant to have a change of heart about expanding our family, our lives are meant to go in the direction we are traveling. God knows the outcome, we are along for the ride, but everything is a God thing!

Fill out this form, this form and this form, then more forms!

2008-10-22T22:46:00.003-04:00

Well we’ve come to the next step in the adoption process. Our initial paperwork is in and we move onto phase two – MORE paperwork! We also can move forward with our home studies. You can probably bank on the fact that I’m going to spend the next two weeks cleaning the house from top to bottom to make our house immaculate. I remember my mom’s story about when they were adopting me, she and dad had a party the night before a home visit. The next morning they were scrambling to clean up from the “wild” party they had the previous night before the social worker showed up. I can’t imagine it had been too wild because my brother was only 2 years old at the time and my aunts and uncles were in attendance with their babies (my cousins). While we don’t even come close to having wild parties or parties for that matter, I still want to make a good impression and I can think of no better way than with a clean house first! Our marriage speaks for itself and our children too – no boasting there but they are both happy!

Our family is so excited about making Hope part of it. Scott is alternating between bouts of absolute terror and joy. I am in a bit of shock over his willingness to pursue this – he is becoming more adamant about Hope becoming part of our family everyday! I’m still on an even keel of joy about it. Nick is very accepting of the decision and Megan prays every night that Hope comes here soon! We have talked about trying to learn as much Mandarin as we can because we want Hope to feel as comfortable as possible when she gets here. From reading the literature it sounds like the adoption agency will place her with a foster family prior to the adoption so she can acclimate to family life - I think we should give the foster family a crash course in Wilson family life! I can only imagine how frightening it will be for her to leave all that she has known and suddenly find herself in a foreign land, looking like no one else, talking like no one else and basically being “out at sea”. I know that we are going to hit many roadblocks with the adjustment but whatever we can do here prior to her arrival to help make this a comfortable transition we will do it. If that means plugging into the Rosetta Stone everyday for hours on end, we are there!

I have spent a lot of time imaging how our lives will change when Hope arrives. There are going to be a lot of changes within our family, but I know we are up for it. I just have this overwhelming feeling of rightness whenever I think of, pray for and picture Hope in our family. It feels right, just like marrying Scott felt right, having our children felt right, going to China felt right, etc. I think if this didn't feel right, God would not have put this on my heart and asked my family to put it on theirs. I wish I could put into words exactly how my heart feels but “right” is the only thing that fits. Unimpressive for an English major…….I’ll have to buy a thesaurus!

Africa, Ink & Good Friends

2008-10-14T19:57:00.000-04:00

I recently read a book titled “It’s Not Okay With Me”. I have no idea what prompted me to pick up this book and buy it but am I ever glad I did! I couldn’t put it down and after reading it I actually bought several copies for friends to read because I want everyone to know what is going on over there. Brace yourselves my friends because the numbers I'm about to share are beyond comprehension! There are approximately 15 million orphans in Sub Saharan Africa ALONE. In Swaziland 44% of the child population are orphans (400,000 if my math is correct); 1.2 million orphans in Malawai (where Madonna adopted her 2nd son); 660,000 orphans in Zambia; 1.7 million orphans in Kenya, which is the same size as California and the population in Kenya is 30,000.000; and in Botswana in 2004 had 600 families registered with the government whose head of household is 6 years old. Adults are one thing, we expect adults to be able to take care of themselves. Adults know how to rally around each other or reach out for help. But this is incomprehensible! Babies literally raising babies! It makes me ill just to think of it and I've been praying every day that I can help in some way.

So, when Scott and I heard about an event called A Night for Africa we signed up to attend. This event was hosted by Jeff Foxworthy and Larry Donoho on behalf of 410 Bridge (Google it). Jeff Foxworthy was very funny, Lanny, not so much! This night wasn’t just about redneck jokes and being smarter than a 5th grader. This night was to share with people how 410 Bridge came about and what it does. Sign me up! I want to go to Africa. I think it’s safe to say that even though I’ve never been to Africa, it has a place in my heart, right next to China!

Scott and I had a great time on our date night at the Gwinnett Arena hearing some moving testimonies, sitting with a good friend (Tracey), listening to Fee sing and to the Daraja African Children’s Choir. Those children were absolutely beautiful and moved me! Despite what life has thrown at them they are strong in their faith and love of our Father and thankful for what they have. The children’s choir is touring right now, Google them to see if they are in your neck of the woods. I urge you to go and see for yourself how amazing these children are and to help support 410 Bridge!

Saturday found us at our friends the Stephens’ house attending a “Tats for Tots” fundraiser. Yes, real tattoos were given by an amazing artist. His heart was huge to do this because he gave half of his proceeds to the cause! This fundraiser was held for friends of Danny & Cindy who are adopting a child from Africa. Google P is for Panda and you’ll see the future parents and some amazing tshirts that Chad (the future father) has designed.

One of the best treats about Saturday was seeing Jessie Ferrell. A beautiful young lady I met in China this summer. Jessie is quite possibly the sweetest creature on earth that I have ever met. She had driven into town to get a tattoo and to hang! I was so happy to see her and hear the things that God is doing in her life. There’s a chance she may be teaching in Hong Kong, which would be ideal for her. She fell in love with China over the summer so I think being able to go back to the place she loves and work with children (which she is amazing at) would be a blessing!

I also took the opportunity to introduce Scott to his favorite singer – Candi Pearson Shelton. She was at the “ink” party to have her son’s name in Greek tattooed on her wrist. I rarely see Scott tongue tied but he was a bit nervous (he’ll deny that I’m sure) when he met Candi. I jokingly told her I wouldn’t let him stalk her when she declared that she had a “real” stalker. I’m happy to report that it’s not my husband!

And we met a family who has recently decided to move their family to Bangkok to help start a church. They have sold literally everything they own and plan on making their lives in a country whose Christian population totals 1%. Amazing! It was incredible to meet them and hear their story!

For those wondering if I was inked as well. Hmmmmm, if you know my husband, you know the answer to that question! NO! One day I’ll break curfew and come home late with a tattoo.

We capped our Saturday night with a dinner date with Scott’s friend Joe and his lovely wife Karen. Joe was part of the team that Scott went to Indonesia with. Joe is a very entertaining person, he has some great stories and I’m in awe of his wife’s ability to just roll with whatever he pours out. He had Scott and I in stitches with his stories of talking gibberish with his daughters and their word “chimichanga” when wrestling! Too funny!!!

Sunday was church (which was ROCKING), tennis and small group. I just want to go on record to say that we love our new small group! We cannot wait for each Sunday night to fellowship and learn! Saying that, I’m sad that I’ll miss this weekend’s group but Scott will be representing the Wilson’s so at least one of us won’t miss out!

Procrastination

2008-09-30T20:24:00.004-04:00

Nothing good ever comes out of procrastinating, thus I am not a procrastinator. I don't like waiting around for things to get done, I just do them. My family is very fond of saying that I don’t let moss grow under my feet. And after taking the D I S C test this weekend, I will verify the fact that this is part of my “makeup”, I’m a type D (very high as a matter of fact). Thankfully God in His infinite wisdom paired me with someone who balances me out, Scott is a high C! We are a great team!

I digress though! Back on track! The last 24 hours have been the exception, probably the first time that I can remember. The man that we’ve been working with on Hope called and left me a voice mail message yesterday about his trip. He basically said he wanted to touch base after his trip and I read all sorts of things into what he didn’t say. All I’ve been able to think about is the gloom and doom of what could happen. I don’t normally dwell in this type of activity because honestly I know that everything is out of my hands. I’ve been so worried that the orphanage director would stick to her guns and not release Hope for adoption.

Tonight at dinner I told Scott about the message and, surprise, Scott jumped out of his chair and got his speaker phone so we could call together. I literally braced myself for the worst, not expecting much at all. I was shocked when I was told that the orphanage director is going to get the paperwork on Hope rolling. She is releasing her for adoption!

We were given more information on Hope’s condition. She had her pituitary gland removed and probably won’t develop physically beyond what she is now. That is fine with us. I’m still convinced however, that mentally, she is going to exceed everyone’s expectations. There is this voice in my head that is screaming at me to pursue this to the end and I just feel that when she gets here, she’ll be fine. I hate thinking of the alternative and my heart won’t rest until we see this through.

I feel like I just won an academy award! I want to shout to the rooftops that I thank God and my family for this award and to our “agent” for taking our story directly to the orphanage director and helping us get this far! I’m realizing that like those who have won the academy award, the hard work is coming. The project we are about to undertake will be like no other but I know with our prayers and those that are praying for us, we are up for the challenge! BRING IT ON!

You want to wear what for Halloween?

2008-09-16T21:27:00.001-04:00

Today I met my friend Rachael at Party City to shop for Halloween stuff. I took the Pigweed with me because she was just dying to buy a Halloween costume and she needed new tennis shoes, her other ones – WHEW, very stinky!

Megan was super excited at this chance to get a jump on her friends in picking out a Halloween costume. Never one to spoil the excitement, I encouraged her to check out every costume on our drive up to Party City. My encouragement quickly changed however when we got to the costume aisle. What an array of junk was there and hardly anything appropriate for an 8 year old girl.

Pigweed hemmed and hawed for about 15 minutes over costumes before I finally said “Okay, I’ll help you narrow it down. You can choose from these two rows in this one column. Anything outside of that, forget about it!” I am not a prude, I have worn some racy Halloween outfits but I was over the age of 18 and supporting myself. I don’t think my 8 year old child needs to wear a sexy cheerleader’s outfit. Nor does she need to dress up like a nun, naughty schoolteacher, etc. We finally settled on a bee, Megan thinks it’s a yellow jacket so she can represent Georgia Tech (as if we watch football in our house)!

My biggest surprise of the afternoon was when another mom approached me in the store and said “Thank you! Thank you for taking this stance. I wish more parents would react this way to the trash that is out there.” I was floored! But when I stood back and thought about it, it’s true. These costumes are out there for a reason. I think the reason is that society is so numb to what is appropriate, that parents just throw up their hands and don’t listen to that inner voice of reason saying that their child doesn’t need to dress up like Debbie in Debbie Does Dallas.

So tonight, with a plate full of brownies by my side (thank you PMS), I’m making my declaration! No matter how much the Pigweed fusses, throws a tantrum, whatever, I’m going to be a bit straitlaced on the things she wears. It’s a war out there and I know that my child(ren) are not equipped to deal with most of that stuff, nor should they be. I don’t want her to walk by a crowd of boys who does a double take based on what she is wearing. That’s too much temptation for them and too much pressure for her. They are children, not mini adults! They don’t know how to control themselves, their minds, their eyes, their imaginations. So, the Wilson house won’t be adding to that confusion.

I want to do right by my daughter, give her a good foundation on which to build when she begins making decisions that are funded by her! I want her to know that first she is a child of God, that her body is a temple and to be respected. Second that she knows that as our child we love her dearly and only want the best for her. I want her to respect herself and to expect respect from everyone that she meets, male and female. And that that respect extend to the basest of respects, if you know what I mean?

So, if you are a mom out there of a young girl OR boy, please know that you are not alone! You don’t have to dress your child in the outfits that 95% of the population is wearing. Our children are our treasures and it is up to us, not society, to let them know what is and isn't acceptable.

Moral Compass?

2008-09-13T01:26:00.002-04:00

Today I was surprised to see on the foxnews.com webpage an article about how Pamela Anderson “can’t stand” Sarah Palin. This concerned me a bit because 1) I don’t give much credence to Pamela Anderson’s opinions (more on those later) and 2) why is Fox News reporting about it?

So, I thought I'd post my thoughts! Apparently, and I quote, Pamela Anderson said that Sarah Palin can “suck it” because of a photo of our future VP with an animal hide in the background. After my initial thought of “oh joy, another Hollywood type sharing their opinion with the world” came the clear voice of sanity stating some simple facts. First, Pamela Anderson is Canadian and thus cannot vote in an American election (thank God!). Second, the highlight of this woman’s career was her parading around in a bathing suit on Baywatch and posing for Playboy magazine. Third, this is the same woman who married Tommy Lee not once but twice, then married Kid Rock and later some yahoo named Rick Salomon because she owed him a debt from poker, a great basis for a long, lasting relationship! Now she is reportedly back together with Tommy Lee. Tommy Lee abused Pamela while she was holding their second child. He may be hell on the drums but it seems his banging skills (sorry I’m not hip on the drum lingo) extended elsewhere. Fourth, this is also the woman who is pro PETA. Personally, I’m not a fan of this extremist animal rights group.

This is the woman who posed nude, married a rock star, made a porn video with said rock star, divorced said rock star, remarried the rock star, divorced him again after he slapped her around a bit while she was holding their 2nd infant son, began dating another rock star, married him in several different ceremonies because their love was “so true” only to divorce him months later and then marry some guy whose claim to fame was a porn video with Paris Hilton of all people and then divorce him not even a month after the nuptials? AND now she is back with her first husband?

Did I miss something here? Has Pamela Anderson suddenly become our country’s moral compass? And really, why does she feel it necessary to berate a woman whom has been married to the same man, borne four children with that man, and has posed with an animal hide behind her in a picture? I’ll add that Sarah Palin was fully clothed in that picture too. I must’ve missed a few memos that stated I should be more concerned with Bambi being shot than with giving my children a normal life, with a father to raise them with values and good strong morals. I may sound like an elitist but really, step back and think about it for a minute.

What I Love The Most

2008-09-10T23:45:00.001-04:00

Scott was out of town tonight so the kids and I decided it was time to eat out! This is probably the only part about Scott traveling that we like, dinner out. We also had cause to celebrate because Nick received his progress reports today. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, our boy is a genius. It’s frightening to me how smart he is because honestly, I just don’t grasp it. I know it comes from Scott but how do you deal with it? Sometimes Nick will ask me questions and I honestly don’t know the answer or even begin to know where to look to find it. I’m killer with the common sense questions but logical thinking? “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” with a little drool dribbling down my chin is all I can come up with.

Our children are so unique. Nick is a feeler – he just goes outside everyday with his heart on his sleeve. He’s not good at hiding his emotions and he has no problem crying in front of me. But then you need to add in his sense of humor. The kid has it, he is hysterical! Tonight he answered the phone and told my friend Elizabeth that I was “in the crapper, aka, the john, aka the toilet.” Who else would tell someone that their mom was dropping friends off at the pool? NOTE: I should be mortified BUT since I work with preschoolers I have realized that everyone poops so it’s not big deal!

Megan is a feeler too but in a different way. She doesn’t like it when people try to make her look like a fool. She can turn on crocodile tears in an instant and make you feel about two feet tall if you’ve made her cry. She can’t joke her way out of a paper bag, but she can charm her way out of it. She’s also tough as nails when needed. Her kindergarten teacher dubbed her the “every girl”, boys and girls both like to hang around her. I think that is spot on.

I wish I could pinpoint what I love the most about each of our children. It varies from day to day. Some days I love that neither of them care what others think of them, then other days it’s their hearts, their compassion for others. And I can proudly say that both of our children have hearts of gold; they hate to see others suffering and are quick to offer up ways to help someone. Tonight though I just simply loved hanging with them and hearing about their day. As much as I hate when Scott is out of town, these times force us to band together and actually hear what the other is saying.

I guess what I love the most is that God entrusted Scott and I with two amazing creatures that are a perfect mixture of the two of us! Sometimes it might seem like a Herculean task but I know it’s really a blessing!

Movin' On Up

2008-09-08T22:58:00.002-04:00

To the East side. Well, at least Megan moved to the bedroom that faces East. Pigweed made an executive decision a few weeks ago and decided that Hope would love to have a room that was Pepto Bismol pink so Megan offered to move back into her old room. She’s been in the “pink room” for about four years, maybe a smidge longer, but I think the pink was too much. Hmmmmm, I thought that a few years ago when she picked out the color.

So, while I was hacking up a lung, I moved the Pigweed from one room to another. It's not a long commute but when you add in furniture that is actually made out of real wood, bronchitis and a husband watching tennis and yelling "Babe, you've got to see Roger, he's on fire!" while you are laboring upstairs, it was an ordeal.

It’s interesting what you find out about people when you move their stuff, even the people that you live with day in and day out. For all the people that love to tell me how much Megan and I are alike I laugh at you! My daughter is a hoarder and if you know me, you know that I will throw anything away that hasn’t been used in a year. If it has sentimental value, I’ll take a picture of it (like the kid’s artwork that doesn’t get framed, school stuff, etc.) Pigweed had piles, and I mean piles of papers stashed all around her room. She had “treasure” stuff from kindergarten – buhhhhbye! Mommy don’t play that!

So, now that I’ve started purging the Pigweed’s stash, I’m going to have to move on to Nick. I saw it in his eyes tonight when I was moving her stuff around and throwing things out. He had GUILTY written all over his beautiful face. He knows what is coming but I think he’s relieved that I’ll be cleaning his room and not him!

Inspiration

2008-08-24T21:20:00.002-04:00

I just haven’t felt very inspired to write lately. My last entry wasn’t really a dialog, more like an “I can’t believe it” blurb. I’m still in shock over the Cumming Cheerleader Mom as I’ve now dubbed her (original huh?). I guess I should count myself lucky that things still surprise me! So, now I’m going to dive in. I’ve got to journal about something because really my week wasn’t uneventful.

I spent Tuesday afternoon at the middle school of all places. Nick volunteered me to come in and talk to one of his classes about China and the Chinese culture. I don’t consider myself an expert by any stretch of the imagination but since I had seen firsthand the Birdsnest, Forbidden City and hiked the Great Wall I was the closest thing to an expert they were going to get. I actually had a great time talking to the kids in his class! How do you engage a bunch of 7th graders you ask? Potty talk of course! Squatty potty talk to be exact! Jessa, if you are reading this, the pictures we were taking of squatty potties came in handy! You mocked us silly Westerners but the pictures worked, they captivated a room full of 12 and 13 year olds. I will give props to the kids in his class too. They asked some great questions! One girl asked this question “I have a friend whose mother went to China and she said that on the roller coasters, no one uttered a sound. There were no screams of joy or terror. Are the Chinese like that all the time?” I’ve never been to an amusement park in China so I felt unqualified to answer that. I did share that the Chinese people I had met were warm and welcoming. There was a group of women in Longyan that I absolutely fell in love with! Megan, had a sense of humor and always seemed to have a good time which I love! Lucy has a laugh that is infectious and her smile just lights up a room. I love, love, love the ladies in Longyan! China will always hold a special place in my heart as will the Chinese people. I'm praying that one day we'll have our own piece of China as part of our family!

This weekend Scott and I began the initial paperwork on Hope. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about her and picture her in our home as part of our family. I’m still working on the fact that this is going to be a long process. We are up for the task but that doesn’t mean I have to feign patience does it? While I was filling out the forms I kept my mind and heart open to hear anything and all I heard was acceptance. This is the right thing to do. This is what God wants us to do and we will pursue this no matter the outcome. Brave words now I’m sure because I’m so optimistic. Maybe because I just feel so convicted that this is what we have to do. I just can’t wipe out the mental picture of the five of us on a Christmas card, maybe not this year but definitely next year! And then my mind wanders and says why stop at just five of us on a Christmas card? Yes, my glass is a little bit half full!

And now I’m inspired to catch up on Andy’s last two sermons. Megan woke up not feeling well this morning so she and I stayed home from church. Guess I’m going to find my inspiration in listening for a while and not writing!

Happy With What I've Got

2008-08-14T22:18:00.005-04:00

Growing up I remember always wanting hair that was thicker and curlier. It never made it to my brain that God gave me thin, fine hair. Add in the fact that I grew up in the 80's (big hair) and you've got a recipe for disaster!!! I had a gazillion perms, spent hours curling, teasing and spraying my hair. I even recall my mother having my scalp biopsied to see if there was something that could be done - it was painful and the results came back that NO, nothing could be done. My hair was what it was - thin, fine and straight!

Early in our marriage, Scott would beg me to leave my hair alone. Stop perming it, stop coloring it, stop curling it, he would constantly ask. I fought it tooth and nail until shortly after Nick's birth. After getting two perms within 10 days, I decided enough was enough. No longer am I slave to perms and curling irons, I haven't progressed to the color part though. Sorry, I love my blonde! But, now I'm happy with what I've got - thin, fine and painfully straight hair!

I've always been worried about how society presents what is in fashion and what is considered normal. I don't want either of our children to perceive themselves as less than others when in my eyes they are both exceptional and above what the standard is. Yes, I'm biased. I could spend hours expounding on what makes our two beautiful children amazing as I'm sure most other parents can! But the pressure out there to fit in, not matter what is overwhelming!

Tonight, Megan asked me to help "style" her hair for pictures. I've never made a big fuss about her hair, she has the same type as mine. I can count on one hand the number of times I've used a curling iron on her hair and I've never even suggested that she get a perm. Tonight after drying her hair I fluffed it a bit. It looked pretty but the Pigweed immediately grabbed a brush and made it straight with no fluff. I just smiled and knew to my core that she was happy with her hair just the way it is.

On Tuesday my little man came home with a questionnaire from one of his teachers. The teacher passed this out so she could find out what each child's style of learning was. Not one to NOT look at papers laying around, I read Nick's assessment of himself and was blown away! With pride I might add. My little man doesn't care if he wears clothes from Abercrombie, Aeropastle, Gap, whatever. He doesn't care that kids his age look on him as a brain or as someone with a sense of humor that kids his age don't get. Scott and I have both told him before that adults get his sense of humor and appreciate it - he's just a bit ahead of his game. Nick is happy just the way he is.

This is what I want for both of my children and any children that we are blessed with in the future. To be happy with who they are and how they are made both inside and outside. God is a great creator and who are we to try and change what He created? I'm so glad of the foundation that Scott and I have given our babies and hope that both continue on the path they are currently on - being happy with who they are.

Glory Days

2008-08-12T22:47:00.003-04:00

Nope, not the song by Springsteen, not a big fan of his at all! It’s just that while all this Olympic hullabaloo is going on, I’m reliving my youth, especially with Michael Phelps and his success in the water. Just watched him win another gold medal and bypass Mark Spitz. I can remember hearing about Mark Spitz in 1972 (I was only 4 and TERRIFIED of the water) but it wasn’t until Diana Nyad made headlines for swimming from Bimini to somewhere in Florida that I became totally immersed in the sport. How inspiring was that swim? I remember watching the news coverage on TV. She was surrounded by a fishing net to cut down on the amount of jelly fish stings, there were several boats with her and it took about two days for her to complete it. When she was done and got out of the water, her lips looked totally dry and cracked - don't know why I remember that.

Swimming is by far the best sport. It surpasses tennis in my book……just barely. Swimming is the only sport that utilizes just about every muscle in your body. It’s a team AND individual sport. I love to watch it and participate in it.

A little known fact about me and, by looking at my budadundunk now you wouldn’t be able to tell but I was in the 1985 AAU Junior Olympics for swimming. My brother had a grand time always saying I was competing in the Special Olympics. Ohhhhh, what a funny guy he was growing up! Anyway, I won two silver (IM relay and backstroke) and three bronze medals (400 IM, free relay and 100 free). That was the pinnacle of my swimming career. I remember before that time I dreamed of one day competing in the Olympics. I was going to marry Steve Lundquist (I actually got to swim with him a few times when he was in town visiting family), live in Hawaii where we would raise our children and teach swimming all day long. Obviously neither of those events happened. I chose a social life and the love of my life over spending up to 4 hours a day in the water during the winter and 8 hours in the summer. I was good though! Glory days!

I Am Extraordinarily Patient, Provided I Get My Own Way In The End

2008-08-11T22:16:00.004-04:00

Quote by Margaret Thatcher

This quote so describes me! I'm having a very big war with my patience (or lack of) right now. I want things to start moving with Hope but know that it's out of my hands and in the hands of someone much bigger than anything or anyone.

My head understands but my heart is absolutely screaming out. I don't know if watching the Olypmics and seeing the part of the world where this beautiful little girl lives is exacerbating this but it's there. And over the scream I hear the voice in my heart and head saying she belongs with us. It's the same voice I heard when I went back for week 2 to work with her. I'm going to grasp onto that now but tomorrow........then I start making phone calls and sending emails once again.

Send up a prayer!

Serving

2008-08-02T22:27:00.004-04:00

The words to describe my experience this year are starting to come out and I wish I could post everything that we did. I sound like a broken record when I say that witnessing the progress these children have made over the past year was inspiring. Being a part of this is an absolute honor in the highest! The program is amazing, it is allowing children the opportunity to learn things we take for granted and life skills that will enable them to hopefully live independently one day. It’s also giving a community the chance to see that everyone is entitled to love, growth and learning. Nothing proves a point better than leading by example and that’s what these teachers and foster parents are doing! God bless them!

This year I had a much better idea of what we needed to do in the classrooms and the expectations. What I didn’t anticipate, either this year or last, was that we would be served as well. Not only were we welcomed with open arms by the teachers, but the children too. The smiles, hugs and squeals of delight we were greeted with everyday were a drug like no other (as if I have vast experience with that but that is the only analogy I can come up with). I loved our “Forrest Gump” with his beaming smile every morning and his sounds of delight when we started a craft; the little boy who just wanted to hug and kiss us every time we walked through the door – we all loved those greetings; Flopsy Mopsy swaying toward us to give a kiss, hug and a smile; our little elfin girl that would smile so wide you thought her face was going to split and just wanting to press her face against ours; “No David” being so happy outside running around; “Dennis” trying to draw hopscotch and being so excited when we figured out very quickly what he wanted and drawing it for him; the young deaf man downstairs that would come outside with us and patiently wait a turn to blow bubbles; and, of course my beautiful Hope wanting to help Ashley and I with circle time even when her head was hurting so bad we could feel it. After working with children for five years, it was refreshing to have children just be happy that we were spending time with them and not being upset if we didn't have every minute of their day filled with an activity.

There was talk about classes being set up, maybe in a community center type setting, for parents to come and learn about how to care for their special needs children. I thought that was a great idea as many shelters around here provide parenting classes. One of the ways for everyone to completely understand and embrace any type of disability is for them to learn about it. It warms my heart to know that there are a group of people who are spending their lives wanting to educate this part of the world.

I also got to serve in a way that has forever changed my life. During week 2 Ashley and I spent an early morning before class bathing about 20 children. This was a "coup" for us as we weren’t allowed to work downstairs. We both felt very privileged to be given this opportunity. I won’t say it was the happiest moment of my life but Ashley and I both agreed it was eye opening. And we are still thankful that we were allowed to do this. We wish we would have been able to do it everyday we were there but will have to content ourselves with the single experience.

It’s amazing what you can get through without a complete breakdown when you just want to throw your head back and scream at circumstances. I wanted to weep while we were bathing these babies, but I knew that it was not the time or the place. I didn’t want the staff on that floor to think they had done a poor job in their care and to be honest, I don’t think they have. These children are cleaned every day and fed, which is more than other facilities do.

There are so many wonderful stories that I want to share and I will, especially to those that genuinely want to know. I want everyone to know that these children are being cared for and loved and it is thanks to this program that we worked with over the month of July. And of course, it’s thanks to God for giving people gifts and a heart to serve.

6 Things I Worry About

2008-07-31T15:36:00.002-04:00

Last night at her friend’s church, Megan had to write down 6 things she was worried about. They then took their lists outside and put them on a cross. Next week they go back and see if their worries are still there.

I asked Megan what her worries were and was quite surprised. She said: spiders, sharks, fish (they nibble on you), tornadoes and earthquakes. I know it’s only five but she said that’s all she was worried about at the time. I'm glad her list was short and that she didn't ask for a bigger piece of paper!

I started thinking about my list of worries. I've got the typical parent/wife worries but that only takes up two or three worries. So, I had to be honest with myself on the last few - they are pretty deep worries, at least to me. Now that I've said my worries out loud, I'm visualizing them on that same cross Megan posted hers. My worries seemed minute when I see what was really on that cross.

What do you worry about?

My Summer Vacation (In Pictures)

2008-07-28T17:14:00.019-04:00

Kush acting very silly on our road trip back! The thing I love most about Kush, next to her heart, is her laugh! It is infectious and even when you aren't in a good mood, it instantly lifts you up!

Employees actually standing "at attention" and listening intently to their employers' instructions for the night! We saw this happen at several different places on our trip.

Normally I frown upon people playing with their food. However when the "camp girls", Peter and Matt started decorating the duck head with food, it became quite funny! I don't think I'll let the kids see this though, they may get a few ideas! The next week Peter took a cooked duck head and made it talk at dinner! Good stuff!

I'll admit it, I don't see pigs all that often at home. So when we saw this truck full of pigs riding through the street I literally squealed in delight! Peter broke all kinds of traffic laws (at least here they are laws) just so I could snap a few pictures! Last year we saw another truck carting around pigs in the back and they were fighting - one even played the part of Mike Tyson and bit another pig on the ear!

To market, to market, to market we go! There are food markets everywhere you go in China! The one on the left was host to several live, cute animals. While we were passing one vendor, she began pulling a LIVE duck out of a basket......I quickly turned my head because I didn't want to witness what was coming up next. In other markets, there are buckets upon buckets of things that live in water. I always love looking in the buckets because you never know what you are going to find. The one on the right was octupus and they were not still at all! We even saw gooey ducks there - I thought they were just a pacific staple here in the states. Andrew Zimmern, get on that!

Babies! I love babies, especially right before they start walking and have all of that glorious baby fat on them! The babies in China are absolutely beautiful and the parents and grandparents love to show them off! Aren't they precious?

Someone Else's Words

2008-07-28T14:11:00.003-04:00

My friend Cindy was able to put together some beautiful words about our trip to East Asia. I'm still struggling with what to say but if you click on this link, you can read a bit about what we experienced: http://diggingmyway.wordpress.com.

I'm not giving up, it's just going to take me some time - I hear the gasps of disbelief out there. Yes, I'm speechless for a change but I remember having a hard time last year when I first came back describing my experience. I think I may do a "diddy" similar to what we did in school "What I Did On My Summer Vacation". Stay tuned :)

Oh, for those asking about Hope, we are making another inquiry today. Please keep us in your prayers on this one!

No News

2008-07-26T16:07:00.002-04:00

Is good news right? That is my mantra right now. We are still praying for answers about Hope but will wait.......Scott is so much more patient about this than I am but that's why we work so well together! God will let us know what the right answer is and I won't ask Him to hurry up already - I'm sure He has a lot on His plate!

I'm trying to pull my thoughts together about my latest trip to East Asia. I've got a lot of stories so there are things to weed through. I had a great time, met an incredible group of women and men over there who work very hard to help children. I also met some beautiful children that will forever hold a piece of my heart. Then there were the people that were serving - in different capacities and their hearts are full of love, I feel blessed to have met them. And of course, working with two great teams! Ladies and gentlemen ya'll did awesome! I can't forget our hosts - Matt and Michelle, who had just welcomed a new baby to their family as we descended on their lives for three weeks.

In the next few days I should be able to post more about our trip. I posted just a snippet while over there - but there was so much more that was done, seen, heard and learned! I would be remiss in not journaling it and if you want to read and share in the experience, even better!

Home Is The Nicest Word There Is - Laura Ingalls Wilder

2008-07-21T20:35:00.000-04:00

How true that is! It's even nicer to be there! As I've said before, home is wherever my husband and children are and right now that is in Cumming, GA - the burbs! The best part about coming home was riding the escalator at Hartsfield and seeing my beautiful family! It was great to hug my beautiful babies and my gorgeous husband. Sixteen days away from them was a long time but while I was in the midst of everything, I wasn’t overwhelmed with missing them. I knew that I had a job to do and that in a very short time, I’d be home.

So many things happened in China. Our team was tested in the most unanticipated way but we pulled together and worked through a situation that was frightening. We were invited into several homes and experienced a piece of authentic Chinese culture. I personally was so honored to be asked into people’s homes! We met and spent time with the daughters of the “pioneers” that started the program we were working for. And I fell in love with a beautiful young girl – Hope. She asked us for an English name and after presenting her with the options of Grace and Faith, both of which she turned her nose up at, we settled on Hope. It was great to see the changes that have been made in the program over the past year. You can definitely see and feel the love the teachers have for the children. And the children that we worked with last year have grown so much! God has given these people so much!

Now that I’m home, talks will begin in our house over Hope. She needs medical care as she has a brain tumor but I feel strongly that she belongs with us. On the flip side, I have to keep in mind how bringing her home will affect our family. She is such a smart little girl that I know her adjustment to our culture/world will be something that she can handle. Yes there will be bumps along the way for her and us as we don’t speak the same language, she adjusts to a new environment, we adjust to a new family member but if this is what God wants, He will make it happen for us. Any words of wisdom are welcome!

I’m exhausted and heading to bed! It’s great to be home!!!!

Dorothy Had It Right.....

2008-07-10T23:29:00.000-04:00

There is no place like home. Home can mean many things to people. For me, it's being around my amazing husband and two beautiful children. I'm going to even throw in the dog, yes Bindi, I miss you too!

It is official, I’m homesick! I miss Scott, Nick and Megan. I miss my little man giving me a hug every night and saying “I love you mom” and I miss the Pigweed sitting in my lap, trying to act like she doesn’t want to be there but not making a move to get away. I miss walking into Scott’s office to tell him I’m taking the dog for a walk or just to see how his day is going. I even miss the dog grinning at me when I walk in the door.

I started feeling this way this morning after our first team left. I was giving Ashley a hug and it hit me, they are going home and I’ve got one more week. So, I went back to my room, had a good cry (and I HATE crying), called Scott and prayed after.

One more week and then I’ll be heading home! This time I’ll be bringing back double the memories of what I brought back last year. I want to have a few days to look back and go through all of what I experienced. There’s a lot on my heart (one beautiful little something in particular) this trip, so I’ve got to share this with Scott and pray about what needs to be done.

DUMPLINGS

2008-07-10T23:06:00.000-04:00

I love to eat dumplings! I've never given it much thought before this week, but we are a lot like dumplings. An empty shell that is filled with many ingredients. There are a lot of things you can put in a dumpling but only a few make them good. There's a lot of trial and error into what goes inside, sometimes you get some nasty stuff in there but the good news is that you'll know the next time not to add that! I've gotten a lot of the good filling this week!

I'm in East Asia right now and I got to make authentic Chinese dumplings! Not only that, I was in Asia when I made them, in an Asian home, on an Asian stove, with Asian ingredients and with an amazing Asian host! Our friend Melissa, whom I met last year, invited us to her house to make jhiatsu (I’m sure that spelling is way off but that’s how it sounds to me). According to one of our hosts, it’s an honor to be invited to do this. I was honored! I left full and happy!

Another great thing about that night was Melissa took us to her mother’s home that was over 300 years old! 300 YEARS OLD! WOW!! How amazing is that? Think of how many generations grew up in that one house? The stories that house could tell?

What a blessing it has been in so many ways to come over here to serve and to experience the culture. I’m in awe of the people that have moved so far away from their families to start a life here and in awe of those that were born but have chosen a path that we take for granted. Someday soon, I’ll blog about the two amazing families – one raised a family here and the other is continuing the dream by starting a family here. Good stuff!

Kyrie Eleison - God Have Mercy

2008-07-03T21:09:00.000-04:00

Well, I’ve got less than 12 hours before I head out. The bags are packed, the house is semi-clean, I’ve been on the phone most of the day telling everyone goodbye! I should be sleeping but of course I’m too hyped up!

Last year I was nervous and excited about what I was going to be doing. I had never imagined that I would travel so far to do something totally out of the norm for me. I never imagined that I would see and feel God at every turn. I had never imagined that Scott and I could survive without each other for 12 days, especially not being able to talk with each other every day. But we did! And the bonus for me, not only did I see and feel God there but I still see and feel Him here! He was with me all along! Silly me!

This year, I’m just anxious to get over there and get to work. We’ve got great teams, awesome supplies and hearts that are bursting to love these children! What an awesome gift we are being given and I hope that we can give these kids half of what they’ve given us!

What I’m most excited about is seeing how much the classroom has grown! That is a huge blessing! To know that these children are being shown that they are worthy of love, learning and living!

Last year I was amazed at how hard they tried to complete every task and welcomed every challenge! I wonder what they are going to amaze me with this year. Then, the hearts of the teachers that are helping these children grow. Add to that the hearts of the foster parents that are basically thumbing their nose at society by “taking in” a child that is not of their blood and “imperfect”.

I could rattle on and on about this trip so I’ll just sign off now. Say a prayer for our teams and of course for my beautiful family that is staying behind! How blessed am I to be able to do this trip?!!!!

We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment. Hilaire Belloc

2008-06-30T04:14:00.000-04:00

Thank you Hilaire for that wonderful quote! How true this is going to be in 4 days for myself and 19 other amazing people! I was so sad to hear that two of our team members, a mother and her young son, are not able to go. Melanie and Andrew worked so hard to make this trip happen but God had other plans. We are taking them in our hearts!

We had our "packing party" last night and what I thought was going to be an impossible task actually turned out quite well. We were able to distribute the supplies and still keep a few pounds open in the suitcase.

Now the fun part begins - the countdown! Scott took me to PF Changs last night to gear my body up for another round of chinese food. I know, PF Changs isn't close to what I'm going to be eating in East Asia because the food we will eat is better! We had a nice time and finished it up with a trip to Barnes & Noble. A perfect date night for us! A little side note, PF Changs is the first restaurant we ate at last year after my return and I critiqued the food all night long!

Busy, busy, busy

2008-06-28T20:01:00.000-04:00

I would absolutely hate it if nothing were going on, but in the back of my head is this tiny little voice screaming “STOP for just 5 minutes.” I wouldn’t know what to do if there was nothing to do all day. Sure it was easy on the cruise but even then I had a gazillion things running through my mind of stuff that needed to be done when I got home.

Megan has just gotten over walking pneumonia. What we originally thought was a fever virus turned into pneumonia. Thankfully she is resilient and bounced back after her first two rounds of antibiotics. I practically had to sit on her to keep her from running around and getting winded – that’s when the “smokers cough” would come out. My child has been cursed with the same barking seal cough I have. Megan is back to her old self, commanding troops and breaking hearts!

Nick has been laying low. My little man doesn’t like to sweat so playing outside is not in his repertoire. He does however cut a mean lawn! Scott showed him how to mow the lawn and the kid has taken to it like a duck to water! He has been hanging out with some kids in the neighborhood which Scott and I are very thrilled about. We’ve been praying for some kids his age that live close by and they are here. And, Nick is an absolute whiz at Dance Dance Revolution. He’s advanced to the highest level. Yes, the little man gets his moves from his momma!

Scott is busy with school and work. Work situations are ever changing for him and this week was no exception. He has a new boss, the 7th “new” boss in a 2 year period. I know Scott worries about it so I try not to stress about it. School has been challenging for him, in a good way of course. It has lit a fire under him to learn everything he can and I for one am excited for him. He’s an awesome man and I’m so blessed that I’m married to him.

The last two weekends we’ve entertained my teams from the 07 East Asia trip and the 08 East Asia trips. It was great to see everyone last weekend from 07 and this past weekend we got to meet spouses, children, boyfriends and a new fiancé from our 08 teams. It’s a great bunch of people and I cannot wait to get started!!!!!

So now I end this up with a prayer sent out to our friends the Keoghs. Anthony is currently undergoing his 3rd and hardest (to date) round of chemo. The family is amazing, Anthony is a fighter but prayers are being said for them just the same. We pray for this family every night and not an hour goes by where we don’t think about them! We love the Keogh’s!

Fever, Fever Everywhere

2008-06-18T15:34:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhhh summer, the time of excessive heat. This week our house has been hit with a fever. Not to clean, play, go to the pool or even watch tv, but an honest to God fever. Megan began running a fever yesterday of 102 with a sore throat. My immediate thought was strep throat which for me brings back memories of when Megan had strep throat and began vomitting for the first time ever in her life. Which then trickles into the time when Megan vomitted for an entire week for no ryhme or reason and we had to admit her to the hospital for another week where she continued to vomit. Truly one of the worst moments in my life as a parent because we had no idea why she would not stop vomitting. Much like my friend Annmarie does now with her son Anthony, I spent every waking moment in that hospital with my baby. I went home one day for an hour to pick up more clothes and came racing back to stand watch.

Our friend Anthony Keogh currently in the hospital recovering from his second round of chemo has been fighting a fever due to an infection since Sunday night. I'm praying that he recovers from his fever and that Megan comes out of her funk too.

We were supposed to go to the zoo today with my friend Gretchen and her two boys but I couldn't picture myself drugging and dragging the Pigweed downtown in the midst of her misery. It was a good call I know because her little body hasn't moved around too much. At least she has been eating some frozen juice things - I'll take what I can get!

My thoughts for the day :)

What's A Girls Best Friend??????

2008-06-08T22:26:00.000-04:00

According to Marilyn Monroe it’s diamonds. I however, will disagree with this one. Yes, I love my diamonds, they mean something special to me, but I have to say that my girlfriends are a girl’s best friend. This isn’t to discount Scott’s place in my life as my best friend but I know for a fact that he doesn’t want to discuss that time of the month with me, the many changes that perimenopause is bringing to my life or the movie Sex and The City.
I went to see that particular movie this past weekend with my childhood girlfriends Hope and Leslie! What a great movie to see with women who’ve been with you through thick and thin! I’m glad to report that none of us are Samantha, Miranda, Carrie (none of us have the desire to be THAT skinny) or even Charlotte. We are simply who we are – three women that love our families and our friends! We dearly missed our beloved Sweetcheeks (aka Kathy).
So, I’m sending thanks up to God for all of the women in my life that I hold near and dear to my heart.

Sailing, Sailing

2008-06-03T21:20:00.000-04:00

I’m back from my cruise! Rejuvenated? I think so! It was great to have no worries for an entire week, no meals to cook, no errands to run. I missed Scott and the children immensely but was so thankful for the break this trip afforded me!
I did do the most amazing thing. I went swimming with dolphins in Cozumel! I have to say that next to getting married, having children and my awesome experience in East Asia last summer, it was one of the best things I’ve done! I got to “hold” a dolphin in my arms and I felt his heartbeat – INCREDIBLE! It was beautiful and I cried! I also thanked God profusely for that moment after I got out of the water and sent a prayer up that He gift our friend, Anthony Keogh, a moment like that. Another life changing experience to be sure!
What I enjoyed most about the trip was spending time with my cousins Mitch (Colleen) and Cristy and Aunt Kaka (Aunt Kathy). The older I get the more I enjoy and embrace the time spent with my family! We had a blast and I hope we get to do it again soon. Cristy described it perfectly in an email – we had a week long slumber party! Lots of laughter, lots of gas (we didn’t have to worry about the ship running out of fuel - thanks Cristy), lots of great food, lots of money lost on BINGO of all things and lots of fun memories to keep for a lifetime!
There was a reality check in this whole thing. Our last stop was in Roatan, Honduras. Mitch and I had planned to spend the day snorkeling and laying out on the beach. Looking at the island from our balcony was absolutely breathtaking. The ride to our destination however was like having ice water thrown over us. The poverty was unbelievable. I was floored by the number of dogs I saw – they were everywhere and very malnourished. It was amazing to see such beauty surrounded by ugliness. The Pollyanna in me wanted to believe that the islanders knew no other way. But the realist in me wondered how can they accept their lives as is when they have ships coming in and out of their port hosting a wealth of spoiled people? There might be a mission trip in all of this!
So, I’m back home, focusing on Scott, the children, the dog, our home and my upcoming trip to East Asia in less than a month.

Schools Out

2008-05-24T00:14:00.000-04:00

Every year, before school is actually out, our children talk a big game about being excited the school year is over! This year was no exception.

However, I wasn’t prepared for Megan’s reaction today when I picked her up from school. Princess Pigweed was CRYING because she didn’t want school to be over. The Little General was shedding tears because she wouldn’t see the boys that just two days ago she was complaining about.

Nick is usually our sensitive one, the one who got a phone number from one of the lunchroom ladies because he just knew “Ms. Charlotte” was going to miss him! Oh, I love our little man so much! But today, Nick called from the nurses office with a fever so he came home early with no complaints. After a long nap he said how relieved he was that school was over!

Our kids have pulled a John Kerry on us – FLIP FLOP!

It took me a while to calm Megan down, I’m not good with tears but I finally managed to get her to see the bigger picture. She can spend countless hours at the pool and then she can come home and call her friends, except the boys. Then, in just two short months, she’ll be back in school, can visit her teacher(s) and see the boys that she spent so much time complaining about!

Just one more lesson in parenthood – don’t ever think that you have your children figured out. They completely turn the tables on you! I'm just going to go on record as saying that as a teacher, I'm THRILLED when school is over! I will certainly miss the little angels that were in my class but am so excited at the progress they've made AND that I can't wait to see how much they love school the next year. That is something that won't change!

I'm Not Bragging, But...........

2008-05-18T21:55:00.000-04:00

The teams that have been chosen for our trip to East Asia this summer are awesome! I admit I was very nervous when I received the call asking if I would be interested in co-leading a trip back to the part of the world that changed my life. I knew last year what a huge undertaking planning a trip like that would be. Never did I imagine that someone would think (or was desperate enough) to ask me to not only go back but to help pick out people that would change someone's life (lives)! I'm giving props to Cindy, Tammy and of course our heavenly father because this was not a singluar effort!
Tonight we had our last "official" meeting with our groups and I can honestly say that I felt no trepidation about our groups! I'm just going to throw in that I'm so glad I get to make this trip again with Ashley and Cindy, both have had a major impact on my life! I wish Brittney would go back but I know that God is sending her in a different way! Back to this year's group - everyone seems to be on the same page about what we are doing and WHY we are doing it. How amazing is it that God has chosen people to travel around the world to share His love and also to give these people a glimpse at knowing they are valued for who they are and not what they are?! Our society places so much emphasis on everyone being given equal rights but seldom does our society stop and wonder how other countries value all of their citizens? And how shocking is it for "us" to go somewhere and see that not everyone is viewed equally?
So, I just want to say how thankful I am that I was given an opportunity to serve on this team and have a voice in what is being done on the other side of the earth! I pray that someday at least one of these children break the bonds they've been placed under and show the world that our God is a loving God!

Miracles Happen

2008-05-13T16:21:00.000-04:00

I just heard the most incredible news! My friend Annmarie's oldest son, Anthony, is in the hospital undergoing treatment for leukemia. His two younger brothers were tested two weeks ago for a bone marrow match and today they learned that Dominic (one of his two brothers) is a perfect match! So many prayers have been said for this family from all over the world. It blows my mind knowing that God is listening and helping this family heal. Over the past three weeks we've seen miracles happen in just this one family but I know His reach is limitless! Please keep praying as this family goes through another phase of treatment with the bone marrow transplant and for the recovery after! God is great!!!

He's Home!!!!!

2008-05-12T19:21:00.000-04:00

The love of my life has returned. A year ago I never would have thought that we'd survive that amount of time apart but East Asia showed me so many things, and time apart was one of them! We (the kids and I) survived, we still love each other and we have daddy home!
I haven't seen much of him because he's been really tired but he's home, he's home, he's home! Scott said he had the most amazing time in Indo - mind blowing was his description. This is his story to tell so I'll wait until he tells me all that happened before I start writing things down. Just know that he's home, with a ton of smelly laundry and the kids and I (and Bindi too) couldn't be happier to have him here!

It's Happening........

2008-05-10T21:31:00.000-04:00

Puberty has hit the Wilson household! Oh Nick would be so mortified to know that I even journal about this! I know I shouldn’t share these things but it does happen to everyone and we are no exception. Tonight my good friend Gretchen invited the kids and I to dinner with her family. So, being the good mom I am, I asked Nick to shower before we presented ourselves to the public. As Nick was modestly wrapping himself up in a towel, (the boy is very careful about us seeing him in the buff) I casually said “Dude, do you have hair in your pits?” He shrugged his shoulders, said “I dunno, look” raised him arms and………………it was there! After my initial gasp of shock automatically followed by the question “is it anywhere else” Nick was quick to reply “I’m not gonna check and neither are you.” I had no intention of that!

I’m not ready for this. I don’t think I was ready for puberty when it hit me. But I know I’m not ready for my children to hit it! The signs have been there for a while, mood swings, sweating followed by b.o. (come on, we’ve all had it), etc.

Nick, is my little man. Always practical, yet, not ready to grow up. I don’t think he is any more ready than I am to hit this milestone. Although, at dinner tonight he was showing Gretchen’s sons his facial hair – his “cause he can 'stache”!

So, on the eve of Scott’s return & Mother’s Day #12 for me, I’m faced with a dilemma. Do I talk to Nick about the changes he is undergoing or do I act as though he’s still my sweet baby that will never grow up? The kid is 5’4 – just a few inches shy of my 5’8. Nick is so very shy when it comes to this sort of “thing” and I’m much better if all of the cards are laid on the table. I hate the technical terms and Nick prefers them. Oh, woe is me! Do I continue in my role as the cool and hip mom or just let things lie???? Where is the guidebook on this?????

Bittersweet

2008-05-08T19:31:00.000-04:00

Sometimes when I look at Nick and Megan I fail to realize that they are growing up and at times wise beyond their years. Tonight Nick drove this home to me at dinner.

We were supposed to visit our friend Annmarie and her son Anthony who is in the hospital. Anthony has been in the hospital since late April bravely fighting a nasty disease that came out of the blue – leukemia. Last night Anthony lost some of his hair, a result of chemo, and today he made the courageous decision to shave his entire head. Anthony had a beautiful head of hair, black, thick and curly. The envy of many girls and boys I’m sure as we all know that girls love to run their fingers through a thick mane of unruly hair! Not many 16 year old’s would be proactive and take that step but he did. Understandably, he is down about this. I’m sure not just about the loss of his hair but the entire situation. Annmarie called and asked if we would visit another night as Anthony was trying to digest this latest hurdle in his recovery and he will recover!!!

At dinner tonight we were saying grace and we asked God to be with Anthony while he was going through his treatments and dealing with this latest effect. Afterwards, Nick looked me straight in the eye and said “This is a double edged sword Mom. We spend time praying for Anthony’s healing, we have gone out and bought things to take to him at the hospital but at the same time, if this wasn’t happening, we wouldn’t be doing these things for him.” All I could was look at Nick and say “You are right” and he was.

After thinking for it a few minutes I asked Nick “Would it be better to just ignore what was going on, not pray for God to be with this family and turn our back on their needs right now?” Nick said no and we both at the same time said this was for a reason. No one may ever know the reason why Anthony got sick but I’m finding comfort in the fact that since his illness, so many people have come forward to help. There are hundreds of people who have never met this family praying for healing. There are hundreds of people who know this family praying for healing. Michael and Annmarie have such an amazing network of friends both in our neighborhood and in Ohio that are doing whatever they can to help out. Their other two sons, Dom and Nick were the first to say that they wanted to be tested for marrow matches.

While Anthony struggles to find peace with this phase of his treatment, I pray that he finds comfort and strength in knowing that so many people are praying for him. His mom has been able to put into words this journey so that all of us who read their journal feel the emotions that they are going through. And I want Anthony to know that his hair will grow back. To steal the opening words of the Six Million Dollar Man “He will be……Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.“ That will be Anthony and his gorgeous locks soon!

A Gift & A Visit

2008-05-08T14:47:00.000-04:00

I'm happy to report that at around 7:30 this morning our phone rang.........normally I get really mad when the phone rings that early or nervous that it might not be good news. However, it was my most favorite person in the whole world - Scott! He sounded so happy and I know he wanted to tell me everything but having been in his shoes, knew he couldn't share his whole story. You never know who is listening and you don't want to jeopardize any relationships that have been built. So, I'll just comfort myself with hearing his voice and knowing he's just a few days away from coming home to us.

Tomorrow (Friday) is our 17th wedding anniversary! We are always so amazed at how long we've been together, 23 years to be exact! Over half our lives. Not many people can say they grew up together and still love each other but we can. We are both so blessed to have each other (Scott more so than me - I'm JOKING) and I cannot wait to see what the next 17 years of wedded bliss brings!

Tonight the kids and I and my friend Rachael are driving down to visit our friend Annmarie and her son Anthony. Anthony is at the AFLAC Cancer Center at Scottish Rite undergoing treatment for AML (a type of leukemia). Nick has been talking smack about taking Anthony down in any game on the Wii and Megan is just excited about visiting an older boy. Myself, I can't wait to see Annmarie and give her a big hug! These past few weeks I'm sure have been grueling for her and she's been a pillar of strength. I'm taking with me prayers, well wishes and a million hugs from moms that I know.

So, if you are reading this post, please keep Annmarie and her family in your prayers. She and her husband Michael are wonderful people, they have three beautiful sons and in the midst of this trying time, they've stood together willing to do whatever Anthony needs to get him through!

Baby Let's Cruise

2008-05-06T16:39:00.000-04:00

I would love nothing more than to have my husband join me on a cruise for a week. Just the two of us, not having a schedule, being able to sleep in, sit on our balcony and watch the water float beneath us, lounging in the sun with a good book and maybe hitting a night club to dance a time or two. Pipe dreams because I think Scott is afraid of being on a large ship for a week! I call it like I see it - CHICKEN!!!!

So, instead of sailing off into the sunset with the man of my dreams, I’m doing the next best thing! Setting sail with my cousins (Mitch and Cristy), Aunt Kaka and her best friend Joy. This is actually to celebrate Mitch and I turning 40 and Cristy turning 35. Aunt Kaka and Joy are coming along for the ride. I think they plan on being our chaperones!!!

I’m too old for any type of shenanigans so I think they both can rest easy on that! I might go out and have a dance off with my cousin Cristy though – good times!!! But what I’m looking forward to most of all is being on the water. I love being on or near the water. I can spend hours sitting on the beach just watching the waves roll in and roll back out. The water has always been my refuge. No matter what, if I can sit and stare at a large body of water, I’m good to go!

As a child I loved swimming, whether it was in our pool or at Lake Lanier and Lake Hartwell. I would spend hours bobbing up and down. Now as I’m older I appreciate being still in the water – on a raft or a chair right next to the edge. Just hearing the lapping of water against the tiles or the sand is so peaceful to me.

Nick loves water too! And he spends hours bobbing up and down in the pool. No water games for him, just the ability to sit under the surface and hear nothing makes him happy. This is what we have in common!

Maybe after this trip I’ll take Nick on a cruise with me. I think out of anyone in my family he can appreciate and share in my love for the water! If I’m real lucky I can convince Scott to come too and have the Pigweed join us!

Contact Part Two

2008-05-05T20:01:00.001-04:00

I got an email from a woman I've never met informing me my husband was her hero. It was Scott's translator in Indo so I wasn't offended. She was emailing me on behalf of Scott letting me know that he's having a great time.

The kids and I are counting down the days until Scott gets home. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm so glad he made this journey and want him to enjoy every second of it. Nothing is more satisfying than knowing you are serving someone and when you throw the bigger picture and the all time biggest "player" (I don't think He would mind being called that for security purposes) into the mix, it's astounding!

What's In A Name???

2008-05-05T18:26:00.000-04:00

For some reason today I felt the need to investigate my name. I guess it's because I've been toying with the thought of having my Chinese name tattooed somewhere on my body. Scott isn't too thrilled with the idea but it's significant to me for many reasons. Before I get into the name thing, I'll explain why I want the tattoo.

East Asia changed me in so many ways. It's the first place I've ever truly felt God. Maybe it's because I was forced to feel Him being so far from home and those that I love. I'll never know why it was there at 39 years of age that it happened - it just did. While I was there, I was priviledged to work with a man who showed me what Christianity meant. Yes, it had been explained to me many times in the past, but, one night in a McDonald's the puzzle fit together. Before I left East Asia, this man translated our names into Mandarin. My name is pronounced "wikneekaa" and it means loving girl. I was also given a slip of paper with my name written in Mandarin. I carry that post it note with me wherever I go........I never know when I'm going to act on my desire to permamently mark my body.

There is some irony in this whole story. Or maybe just fascinating facts. I was given two names at birth, first I was Jacqueline then I was named Michelle. My middle initial was "D" and I don't think I'll ever know what that stands for. Then when I was adopted, my mom and dad named me Nicole Elizabeth. Nicole came from a character portrayed by Jenny Jones (she was mentally unbalanced - surprise) and Elizabeth came from my beautiful Gram, Lucille Elizabeth.

Today, I investigated my name because I was wondering if there was a Native American version of it too. I never got that far. I've always known that Nicole is greek for victory of the people. I didn't however know that my middle name, Elizabeth, is a biblical name and means "God's Promise." Wow! I read that Elizabeth was the mother to John the Baptist.

And now, after I've been typing I am getting to the irony part! After researching my name, I went on to research the kids names. Nicholas Scott was named after Scott and I. The Nick we know the meaning of. Scott however means, get this.......TATTOO, because the Scotsmen were known for their tattoos. Megan Elizabeth was pretty interesting as well. Megan is a deriative of Margaret which means PEARL and her middle name is Elizabeth - "God's Promise".

So maybe this is God's way of telling me that I should be victorious because He promised me a tattoo!?!? I could be reading too much into this but I don't think so!!!!

Soccer Mom

2008-05-04T23:00:00.000-04:00

I’ve always known it and I’m assuming those around me know it. I’m competitive. I hate losing, however, I’d like to think I’m a gracious loser when someone beats me by playing by the rules and playing a better game. That’s not always the case (the rule part especially in ALTA tennis – cutthroat!!) but I try.

Yesterday and today I watched Megan play two awesome soccer games. She scored two goals at both games and gave it her all. She even saved a couple of goals against the opposing team. The child has the speed of a gazelle and doesn’t tire of running up and down that field.

Megan is competitive and she hates to lose too. But what I love most about our Princess Pigweed is that she manages to maintain a friendly attitude while competing. During a break in the soccer game, she went over to an opponent and ruffled her hair and talked and laughed with her. Afterwards I asked Megan who the girl was and she said “Just a friend I met.” So, when I questioned her further about where she met her and what her name was Megan replied “I just met her on the soccer field and I’m not sure about her name but she’s a new friend.”

Yes, there’s a lesson to be learned there from an 8 year old. So, the next time I step onto a tennis court, I’ll try to make a new friend. I can hear you snickering Erin!

Contact Part One - He Called!

2008-05-03T19:58:00.000-04:00

I felt like a schoolgirl waiting by the phone! Scott finally called Saturday morning during Megan's soccer match. His call reminded me so much of that long distance carrier commercial where a man calls his family from the hospital and says "It'sbobwehadababyitsaboy".

The call was brief and to the point! He is doing well, having a great time and is ready to get down to business. He said the plane ride out there was not bad (I'm so thankful).

Now, I'm going to spend the rest of the week waiting for nuggets of information to come in.

Paying Bills

2008-05-02T20:00:00.000-04:00

It has been about four years since I’ve been “allowed” to pay bills in our house. Scott took over the financial end of things and that has been fine with me. However, while he’s in Indo, he asked that I pay the bills when they arrive. I think I know the drill, open the bill, write the check, put it in the envelope and mail it off. I admit, my hands are shaking and I’m breaking out in a cold sweat. Doesn’t he know there is a grace period on these things? He doesn’t have to pay things right away. I’m sure if he is reading this now, he’s laughing and cringing at the same time. I promise babe, I’ll pay the bills when they come in. Scana has left the building!!!!

Don't They Have Phones Where You Are????

2008-05-02T18:37:00.000-04:00

Friday afternoon and still no word from my most favorite man in the world! I realize that it is 2:30 am where he is but still! No, honestly, I know he’ll contact me when he can. I hope that his journey there was pleasant and that he was able to rest. I’ve been praying that he has a normal size bed, one that his feet doesn’t hang off of. I’m sure he was probably so exhausted when he got to where he was going that he just passed out.

Off To Indo

2008-05-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Well, Scott is officially on his way for his first helping trip! I cannot tell you how excited I am about his journey and how proud I am of him for stepping out of his comfort zone. I’ve been urging him to volunteer for a trip and he did it!

He will be gone for 11 nights and 12 days (can you hear the Newlywed Show theme playing) in some place he’s never even heard of! I’m sure the conditions where he’s staying will be minimal at best, not even close to Holiday Inn Express standards. I have a vision of him sleeping on a tiny cot with his legs hanging over the edge, touching the floor. He is so tall and where he’s going the height demographics are not in his favor!

What I’m most amazed at is how well this trip fits him. Scott is the most intelligent man I know (yes, I’m biased) and he has a heart of gold. I hope that he finds what he has felt this trip is all about!

Lay Your Hands On Me!

2008-04-29T18:39:00.000-04:00

No, this is not an ode to Bon Jovi (sorry E). Although I was supposed to be at their concert this Wednesday, however, I found that I much rather wanted to spend the afternoon chauffeuring Scott to the airport!.

I was raised in a home where prayer was not part of the picture. In fact, any type of prayer that didn’t fall under the typical verse and response was considered weird. Prayer at meal times? Forget about it!!! I think the prayers we uttered were “Please God, don’t let our parents find out we were sneaking out of the house.” Honestly, I only did that a few times and was scared to death I’d get caught each time – not very enjoyable! My brother on the other hand…….well, this blog isn’t long enough!!!

Throughout my life I’ve attended different churches and will admit to being freaked out by the raising of hands and people speaking in tongues. Even seeing people raise their hands at church during music set me on edge sometimes.

This, however, all changed during my trip to East Asia last year. I’ve never had anyone “lay hands on me” and pray. But it did happen during my trip and I cannot describe how powerful it was! My friend Ashley used the phrase that she felt the Holy Spirit and I confess, I felt it! Not once but several times in East Asia. Thanks to my beautiful girls Ashley and Brittney for that experience and to Peter as well!

Happily, I felt it again two nights ago. Scott and I were laying in bed (this is G rated, I swear) and we were talking about his upcoming trip to Indonesia. I felt compelled to share with him my feelings of being overwhelmed with my trip to East Asia as well as day to day mommy, wife and work stuff. For those of you that know me, I rarely confess to being over my head, but something (or someone) shouted at me to tell Scott. Scott shocked me by asking if he could pray over me so I said sure, if that’s what you want to do. POWERFUL is all I can use to describe our moment. I may not have felt at peace immediately but it was the first night in a few months I can remember sleeping through the entire night without waking up. AND, I felt at peace the next morning. Then later the next day I received an email from a friend asking if she could help host an event that I was planning to do at our home. This lifted a huge burden off my shoulders and has helped me to breathe easier. This is one of the times where I can feel and see God in my life and I’m so amazed at how if you just simply ask Him for help, He is there to give it!

Prayer – it’s the most powerful thing. You may think that God isn’t always listening but over the past year, I’ve learned to trust that He is

A Servant’s Heart - The Bigger Picture

2008-04-29T16:58:00.000-04:00

It’s amazing to me how some people think that a mission trip is not a benevolent thing to do. We live in a society where we are compelled to have more and more and more. Our society is totally self-serving and if there are any leftovers at the end, well, then we give them back to ourselves.

Not many people like to do for others; there are some that will do for others but only for their own personal glory. Then there are those who truly want to shine a light, however small, to help someone. And then there are those who dedicate their lives to serving. They give up being close to their family, give up possessions, modern day conveniences, just to show someone God’s love.

I have no delusions as to which category I fit. I like to do things for others, it gives me great joy to see someone’s face light up when something is given to them that they never expected. I don’t think I could ever be the person that gives everything up, I’ll content myself knowing that I have a servants heart in some capacity.

Knowing this I will say that it is going to be hard having Scott so far away. But I can also say in the same breath that I know there is so much more to his trip than just distance and time apart. I’m so proud of what he is doing and in awe of knowing that he is helping someone build a legacy. He’s giving someone an opportunity they would not have been given had he not been willing to give up a part of his everyday life for a while. How awesome is it that Scott is showing someone thousands of miles away how to make a better life for themselves and their family? To give them hope that they can make a difference?

Illness

2008-04-27T21:00:00.000-04:00

A few days ago I heard the most awful news. A friend whom I love and adore and who also is an awesome wife and mother, had to tell her 16 year old son he has Leukemia.

No parent should have to watch their child suffer. No parent should have to try and explain the unexplainable to their child. I haven’t been able to speak with her but I hope that she is feeling right now the outpouring of love and prayers that are being sent her way!

Since I’m new in my faith, I question (maybe I always will) why God allows these things to happen. I’m reading The Shack, haven’t finished it yet, but I’m slowly working my way through it – I’ll read and reread each chapter to make sure I’ve understood everything. I have a niggling suspicion that I may come to a conclusion after I finish it. This is my struggle with God – maybe struggle is too strong of a word but I don’t feel like clicking on the thesaurus right now. I know that God is not a punishing God so I have a hard time understanding some things that happen.

Back on track. I’m in awe of my friend because she has decided to tackle this thing head on with not only grace and dignity but a sense of humor. Some of her journal entries make me laugh very hard because when she says she called the IV drip pole Norman (from On Golden Pond), she does. What an amazing way to handle a situation – laughter!

Their page is filled with hundreds of guest entries. It’s awesome to see how many people are praying for this family and God is answering their prayers because the updates have been positive. I pray for them everyday and just know that he will beat this disease with prayer, love and of course laughter!

The Power of Friends

2008-04-24T21:39:00.000-04:00

I’m blessed! I’ve been able to have close contact with friends that I’ve known since elementary school and high school (we didn’t have middle school so don’t mind the gap). We’ve not always gotten along, hit a few speed bumps along the way but in the end, we’ve always come back to each other. There is something to be said for having someone in your life that knew you before you started your periods!

I’ll start with my friend Hope. Hope and I met when we were in the 6th grade. Hope moved to Roswell from Statesboro and she had boobs! Not many girls had boobs in the 6th grade but she did. I’ll admit, I wasn’t very nice to Hope when she moved into the hood. Maybe I was jealous that she had a “rack”, I don’t know. But one day, something happened. My friend Shannon and I made fun of Hope and later realized that we had really hurt her feelings. So, we went to her house to apologize and was met with the wrath of Sandy, Hope’s mom. After Sandy’s initial “What do you want?” and subsequent “Well you girls should be sorry. Come on in”, I was hooked! That was the beginning of not only an amazing friendship with Hope but a view into a calm, peaceful home for me. Sandy and her husband Charlie opened their home and hearts to me. Their home was a safe haven from the rigid ruling of my mother and the constant misery of my parent’s marriage. Charlie was always so nice to Barb after my parents divorced and I’ll never forget his kindness. Mother was not and still is not the easiest person to get along with. Sadly, Charlie passed away a few years ago but I still get to enjoy the memories of his jolly laugh and sometimes I hear him holler “Babe, can I have some more Wild Turkey?” Sandy is still a pillar of love and strength for me. I know that no matter what I’m facing in life, I can always call Sandy and know that I’m loved. Hope and I have worked through several "issues" in our friendship but I will say that at the end of everyday for the rest of my life, she is my best friend. She knows me and loves me despite everything!

Next is Leslie, aka the Bean. I’ve known Leslie since the 8th grade. Leslie had big, glorious 80’s hair and was way ahead in the boy game! She dated boys that were, at that time, way older and mature. Leslie’s great love at that time was Stewart and back then I’d like to think I was instrumental in their reuniting in our Jr. year of highschool. If I knew then what I know now I would have fought that reunion tooth and nail. Leslie is the queen of optimism and I love her for it! She is beautiful inside and out and I love her for her faith and her love of her family! Leslie grew up in a family of women, ironically, she is surrounded by little men now! Bean says it’s God’s way of allowing her to rectify her past relationships.

Then there is Sweetcheeks aka Kathy. Kathy is the happiest person I’ve ever met. I can’t ever remember seeing Sweetcheeks in a funk! Her name Sweetcheeks came from me actually because in high school she was kapoow! Everything was perfectly proportioned – butt and boobs. Kath had the most perfect set of tata’s ever – they were centerfold material! Brian, you are blessed my friend to worship at that altar. Kath is always smiling and laughing! I miss her living so far away in Chicago but am so glad that she found happiness and two beautiful daughters with Brian.

God has also blessed me with the friendship of my cousin Mitch (Colleen). Mitch and I were always close growing up but during our late teens and early 20’s that wasn’t the case. We were growing in different directions and at the time I didn’t know that you could be different but still be close. Thankfully, we were able to work through those years and come back together again. Mitch loves my babies, which in my book is the tops, and my babies love her. She is also someone I know that I can turn to without judgement but open arms and would do anything to help me out.

God has blessed me with the continuing friendship of these women! We are separated by miles but we manage to hook up every now and then and thanks to Al Gore (smile), we can stay in contact via the internet. I hope that each of these ladies know how much I love them!

I Am Not a Minister's Wife

2008-04-21T21:29:00.000-04:00

Scott has applied for and been accepted into Dallas Theological Institute. He needs another college diploma to display in our home and I couldn’t be more proud of him! He took a huge step in something he has been mulling over for a while now. I’ve always wanted him to do whatever is going to make him happy. If this makes him happy, then I’m happy!

Scott will do great in ministry. I think if he can find a blend where he mixes ministry and business then there we go! That will fit him perfectly. I hope I’ve been able to convey to him how much I support his decision. I know that he’s not expecting me to be anything other than his wife and partner but still I cannot help but to think that in the area of being a minister’s wife, I’ll let him down.

I’m just going to go on record and say that I am not a minister’s wife. I in no way uphold what I view a ministers wife should uphold. I’m not a beacon of light to all that I meet, I don’t have positive things to say 24 hours a day, I can cuss like a sailor although I’ve tried really hard to cut back on that, I couldn’t quote scripture to save my life in fact I’m still working my way through the Bible. I love to have a glass or three of wine and I don’t love everyone that I meet. I may be stereotyping minister’s wives but that is how I perceive them.

So, here is my selfish prayer request, that I can fit the bill in some small way. I can’t change who I am but I’m sure there’s something about me that is redeemable :)!

My Baby "Went Swimming"

2008-04-21T01:00:00.000-04:00

It’s finally happened! My Gram must be overjoyed up in Heaven right now in between playing Cribbage and hanging with my Uncle Mike and Uncle Wm and of course her beloved Aunt Willy! She had asked me several times if our children had been Christened and I know it upset her greatly whenever I said “NO”. So, this weekend, by his choice completely, our baby Nick was “babitized” (Megan can’t say baptized so she pronounces it babitized)! Totally his choice and I couldn’t be prouder of him!

I was especially proud when Nick gave his testimony and gave his thanks to his dad. Not God, but to Scott, his physical, earthly father. Scott has been such a light to both of our children and his guidance has allowed both of the children to grow in their faith.

I loved the fact that Nick didn’t have to memorize anything or dress up in a suit and tie. At church he isn’t expected to give a response to a recited reading. He simply told his “story” to a room full of strangers, walked into a pool and was cleansed! Even greater, is knowing that there is a huge support group/staff at our church that will continue to help Nick grow in his walk. It didn’t end with the ceremony. Each week he’ll be challenged to learn God’s word, apply it to his life and grow in his faith.

Going Back To School

2008-04-17T19:13:00.000-04:00

Yes, for some silly reason, Scott and I have both decided to go back to school. Scott will be attending Dallas Theological Institute. This will make degree #3 for him - can you believe it? I will be taking some elective courses through Ga. Perimeter College to help me on my way to my teaching degree at UMass Online. Amazing what classes don't transfer or count as electives after a million years of being out of college! Unfortunately the medieval history courses did not come in handy!
Whew, for once I don't have a lot to say on a subject other than we should have our heads examined!

What I've Always Wanted To Do

2008-03-13T18:43:00.000-04:00

My parents had a book on their bookcase in the FAMILY room titled “Everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask.” No, what I’ve always wanted to do has nothing to do with sex – please, give me some credit!!!! I’ve always wanted to write. Scott and I often joke that I should write a book about my life growing up. I’m sure there are a few moans and eye rolls at that one. BUT, I must say that growing up with my parents was NEVER dull!

We’ve got the title to the book all picked out “Momma’s in the nuthouse, daddy’s in the barn”. One of the chapters is titled “Don’t put garbage in the trash” and the other is “Turkey Basters and shot glasses – several uses you’ve never thought of”. I’ll leave that story up to your imagination right now. “Ejaculation – a topic of conversation at the dinner table with your elementary school aged children?” Oh this list goes on and on!!!

I’ve always tried to find joy in the stories of my youth and when I tell the stories, I get many laughs. I get requests to tell the story about when my parents left me at a gas station (totally unintentional…….I hope) and about the night I first heard the word ejaculate. It was used in a totally scientific manner and I never associated it with anything outside of the dog world.

I can sum up most of my childhood by saying if you’ve ever watched Best In Show – that was my life! But now A&E has this awesome show called “Dog Show Moms & Dads” – that is much closer to what I grew up in! Good stuff!!!

Dead Terry

2008-03-13T05:03:00.000-04:00

Many don’t know the story about my dad. It’s sad but I can make it funny! Dad would have loved the fact that I can make a joke out of his miserable death.

I’m sure that at one time my father was a phenomenal person. He was very good looking, had a gift for working on cars, a superstar football player in high school and played semi-pro football for a while. I’d like to think that his future looked very bright. I don’t know if his descent began with getting a girl pregnant and having to get married or marrying my mother later. I’ll never know because dad passed away almost 5 years ago, alone and broke with no contact with my brother or myself. We all had our reasons for not communicating and even after learning that he passed away, I think we all made the right decision. My dad lived a lifestyle that was not conducive to parenting or grandparenting. I would have never left my children alone with him. Frankly, I would have felt very uncomfortable taking my children to visit him, I would have never known if he was sober or not. Some things children do not need to see.

Anyway, when I found out my father had died (two years ago – you do the math), I went through an investigation of how he died and where he was laid to rest. Dad died of a massive heart attack, alone in his apartment, sitting at his kitchen table. From what I understand, he had an argument with the woman he was “dating”, she left and came back hours later to find Dad sitting at the table. When she couldn’t get him to respond, she called 911 (I think). Dad was pronounced dead on the scene.

I was shocked to find out that his brother had his remains in his barn in Franklin, Ohio. When I called my uncle to let him know I had just found out about dad, Gary (my uncle) replied, “I held onto him because I knew eventually someone would come looking for him.” Gary was very gracious in allowing Scott and I to come out to his house and pick up dad’s ashes. He also gave me pictures of my dad that were taken in the late 90's/early 2000. My dad amazingly still looked pretty much the same as when I had last seen him in 1990. A little older and more worn and rough looking, but still dad.

Fast forward two years later and I still have dad’s ashes. My plan is to spread them in Lake Lanier, dad’s favorite place, but I just haven’t found the right time. Add to that the drought situation and well…………

I joke with my friends and with Scott that my dad is like “Flat Stanley”. He gets to visit a lot of places and he gets to spend time with the grandchildren he never met. We call him “Dead Terry.” Dead Terry is in a box in my house (I move him around) so he can hang out. I know that the majority, if not all of the people that know about this think I’m very morbid. But you know what? For all of his failures as a father and husband, dad had a great sense of humor. He’d enjoy knowing that he was hanging out with my friends enjoying a good time! I put dad on the refrigerator during my 40th birthday party – I think he had a great time!!!!

The Shack

2008-03-11T21:21:00.000-04:00

WOW! I truly cannot sum up this book in my journal. I was given this book by a friend and I'm still working my way through it but it is amazing! I go back and reread each chapter I finish. I just don't want to miss a thing. I've been begging Scott to read this book and he started it but refused to read it when he hit a "hard part". I've never known Scott to back down from anything so I'll have to think of a new tactic to get him to finish this book.

Even though I haven't read the entire book, it has consumed my thoughts. I've always wondered, as I'm sure millions of people do everyday, why God "allows" bad things to happen to innocent people. Especially children. I haven't found the answer yet, but this book is giving me an idea of why the bad things happen.

Each day that I sit in the carpool line waiting to pick up the Pigweed, I read a few pages of this book. I'm normally consumed with finishing a book that I started and will make that my main focus, but I've found that with this book, I can only read a little at a time. Then I have to digest and later dissect what I've read.

I hope I'm done with this book before my trip to China in July but if not, then I'll have something on the plane that will consume me for a while!

Are We Really Going to Stoney River????

2008-03-10T20:46:00.001-04:00

My husband did it! He surprised me with a 40th birthday party. At first I thought my surprise was limited to the visit of my Aunt Kathy and my two favorite cousins Mitch and Cristy. But he didn’t stop there! Nope, the Saturday after my birthday he invited my different clusters of my friends over for a surprise party.

I had thought that Aunt Kathy, Mitch, Cristy, Scott and I were going to OUR favorite restaurant Stoney River. It became a bit clearer to me around 4:00 that Saturday afternoon that we weren’t going to Stoney River. Call it a hunch but I think the tip off was when Aunt Kathy, Mitch and Cristy spent so much time in the kitchen cooking everything I had in the freezer. No one would answer me when I asked why they were cooking. Then when I confronted Scott he said “You know how they like to eat.”

All of the “deception” aside, I had a great time! The people that I love most in the world (except for my beloved Sandy) were here to help me ring in my big 40 and it was a blast! I’m truly blessed with not only my family but my friends as well! Oh, and check out the cake my friend Gretchen made - she is an excellent baker! Inside was red velvet so when I started cutting into the clown, it looked like he was bleeding! Good stuff!!!!

Pinch Me, I'm Turning 40!

2008-03-01T18:49:00.000-05:00

It was bound to happen and to be honest I’ve been looking forward to it! I’m about to turn 40 and what an age! Think about it, if I wasn’t turning 40 where would I be? Yep, six feet under. So, put that on the scale and see which comes out weighing better!!!

Yes, I’m happy about the big 40. Are there some things I’d like to change about me? Physically – ABSOLUTELY!!!!! The buddadunk could use some trimming down but I think that the first 20+ years of my life my butt and my chest (ohhhhhh, I was flatter than melba toast) were non-existent so right now I’m relishing the fact that I’ve got lovely lady lumps and Scott does check them out!!! Mentally – no I’m hanging in there……I think!

I think Scott has something up his sleeve but I won’t pry. I don’t want to spoil any surprise. I’ll just sit back and see if he can pull it off. Wait and see…..

Watching My Babies Sleep

2008-02-14T00:29:00.000-05:00

I guess that middle age has brought with it sleepless nights. For the past few months I've had numerous nights where I awaken at 2 or 3 in the morning and can't get back to sleep. I don't think I'm stressed about anything, I just can't sleep.

So when this happens, I get out of bed, quietly close our bedroom door and take a tour of the kid's rooms. I love watching my children sleep. They look so peaceful and it reminds me of times when they were infants and I could hold them for hours.

I remember that I spent the first three months of Nick's life just holding him and being in awe of what Scott and I had made. Scott would come home from work, look around at the dirty dishes and ask "What have you been doing all day?" Holding our child of course! Nick always wanted to be held and to this day I swear he'd climb into my lap if he fit. He is definitely the lover of the family.

Megan wanted to be held on her terms. If there was something else that would hold her interest, she'd fuss and squirm to get down or be put in her swing. She doesn't mind being held now, especially when she isn't feeling too good, but if there is even the remotest possibility that she'll miss out on something, she is out of my lap in a heartbeat!

When I have these nights I often want to climb into their beds and hold them like I used to. Instead, I satisfy myself with watching their faces. They have no worries, no homework assignments weighing them down, no bullies on the bus. I wish I could protect them from all the stress and wrongs in life but I know these things will turn them into the wonderful adults I know they will become!

So, I guess I have to content myself now with watching my babies sleep. Sometimes I miss the infant stage but I'm grateful to God that He's given me these two precious gifts to gaze at late at night and during the day. I'm sure in a few years that Nick will want me to stop looking at him and Megan will wonder if she has something on her face because I can't look away. So, I'll just enjoy watching them while they sleep!

Father/Daughter Dance

2008-02-09T20:16:00.000-05:00

The pigweed has worked her magic with daddy again! Scott and Megan went to their second father/daughter dance last night. I love seeing father and daughter doting on each other and these two do! I'll try to figure out how to post pictures to this thing (I'm sure it's easy but for me, well......)

I remember dancing with my father in our game room. Dad would let me stand on his feet and he would twirl me around the room. My parents actually danced a lot together. On the boat, in the game room, in the kitchen. Later as I got older, we'd dance at his favorite watering hole. I was 18 but he would sneak me into the bar and we'd dance the night away. Dad was a good dancer, he may not have been a perfect father or husband but he could dance.

Megan and Nick are so blessed to have such a wonderful father. A man who truly loves them and is present in their "rearing".

There May Be A Lot of Junk In the Trunk......

2008-02-05T00:17:00.000-05:00

But I can still do a ropes course!!! The leaders retreat was awesome! I met some amazing people (Leslie) and did some very fun things! Our retreat was designed to help us build team unity but also prep us for the ins and outs of leading teams on a mission trip. We spent a few hours competing against teams on the ropes course.

I’m very competitive so when I saw the challenges I was EXCITED! I know there’s a lot of juice in the caboose but like tennis, when I play, I play to win! I’ll worry about the aches and pains later!!!

I won’t go into the details of what we did on the ropes course but suffice it to say that when it was “momma’s” turn to climb a 40 ft. rope ladder carrying a cup of water to fill a bucket at the top, I did great! I negotiated with the “judge” to let me carry a bottle of water to the top in my mouth since I was sporting $5k of dental work (braces) in my mouth. Everyone else had to carry cups up to the top using their teeth. I didn’t slow down going up or coming down and our team won that particular challenge! Honestly, I didn’t want to drag the team down on the physical aspect of the competition.

After the ropes course, I went back to our cabin and downed some Ibuprofen – great stuff!!!!

Treat, Treat I'm Going On A Retreat!

2008-01-28T20:06:00.000-05:00

I’ve been so excited that I’m going back to East Asia this summer. I’m even more excited about the fact that I was asked to co-lead two teams with my friend Cindy. Before I get into the retreat part, let me talk about Cindy. If ever I had doubts about God and His work, they were wiped away when I met Cindy. She has an unending faith in God and what He does and it is contagious! Spending time with her in East Asia last year and at a silent retreat has convinced me that this is one person I need to keep in my life. She is beautiful inside and out and her love of God is unquestionably the most divine of faith!

So, we are heading to Berry College, Wynshape to be exact to have a retreat with other team leaders. I cannot wait to meet other people who are leading trips through Global X and hear what their fears and hopes are! Most of all, I want to see with my own eyes, the number of people that have a heart for missions. I discovered mine last year while in East Asia and it will be great to meet others that share the same!